


Changes

by LuvvYahBabe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Ben will be okay, Chubby Reader, Dom/sub, Emotional Manipulation, Falling out, Gaslighting, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Obsession, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Stalking, Unhealthy Relationships, as much as you can given the circumstances, ben doesnt realize he is being a dick, but ben likes it, but still loves him, fluff?, mafia, reader fights back, wants a healthy relationship okay?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2019-10-30 06:00:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17823215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuvvYahBabe/pseuds/LuvvYahBabe
Summary: You were just a new kid on scholarship when you met him. You didn't know much of his past or his notorious reputation. You didn't know about the dangerous man he would become. You just knew him as Ben, the first relatively decent bloke to friend you at that school. You didn't know about life-altering changes that would occur, or the pain that would come from loving him. The pain that he would knowingly inflict to keep you. You didn't know about any of this. Only that Ben was your new friend who was a bit, well, off.xxxxxx





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Helllooo!!! So I love love love Kylo and this story has been in my head for some time! Warning this will have Ben, who in an effort to have history not repeat itself (no spoilers) will be incredibly manipulative. This doesn't excuse him, just know that while there will be fluff it is still an unhealthy like 80% of the time!

You arrived in your mother's rumbling car, trying to focus on the familiar sound of her attempting to coax the loyal tin beast to continue on in its journey. As it stuttered to a stop, you rubbed the dashboard and winced with sympathy. You were scared to see what will be under the hood when you finally got home.

 “I am going to get a new car,” your mother solemnly promised into the air.

 “But Belba is apart of the family” you whined in your seat turning to pout.  _ Plus we can’t exactly afford a new car. _ However, you wouldn’t be cruel enough to state the obvious. And most importantly Belba was your baby, her granddaughter by all definitions and you would never let your daughter rot in the dumpster. You rescued her from that pit and it would be beyond evil to bring her back.

 “She can still be apart of the family in the dumpster” your mother muttered when Belba chose at that unhelpful moment to say hello via window wipers.

 You gasped affronted, opening your mouth to retort before your mother smothered your face in kisses.

 “I know. I know. She is my unconventional granddaughter but when I get promoted I  _ will _ get us a new car and let you keep Belba all nice and cozy in our new spacious garage. Unused and safely far away from society and any dumpsters”

 You squealed at the assault, smiling at your mother’s serious face, “of course!”

 It was a promise she made routinely for the past 7 years. You ignored the deep almost painful bags under her eyes and the new collection of wrinkles aging her beautiful features beyond her time as you returned her hopeful smile. You felt such immense love and admiration at her hope and steely determination that you squished her into a bear hug. She was the one to squawk this time before returning your hug in earnest.

_ I’ll buy you the car, garage, everything _ . You promised into the hollow of her chest bone.

 “Aw Pookie” you smiled involuntarily at the name, “I am so proud of you. This scholarship is a big thing honey. And you deserved to be around kids your own age I’ve forced you to help out with things that's not your job.”

 She fixed the loose strays of your hair before reaching behind the chair to plop an unexpected bag in front of you.

 You blinked in surprise, “it’s for your first day of school, for the scholarship, helping with the kids, and being my favorite daughter!”

 "I’m your only daughter” you replied customarily, feeling your ears turn pink at her heartfelt expression.

 “Well, who knows maybe not the only one” she winked.

 You gasped horrified, “you’re …”

 She laughed running a hand on your soft cheek, “Oh no! But you know I think Jab is going to marry me soon and he always says he wants another one”

 You’re face soured instantly at the name, oh  _ him _ .

With her hand on her belly and that naive expression on her face, she looked like the young woman she really was.

 Too young to be a mother. Too young for all this stress. Too young for all of it.

 Your hatred for that tub of slime grew exponentially larger.

 Seeing your unreceptive expression she sighed softly, “He  _ is _ your father. He helps out and cares for us in his own way”

_ Helps out? He was a creep, a rotten, disgusting, foul - _

 “Pookie” she sighed softly, the youthfulness in her features made it hard to look at her.

 “Pookie, open your present” she smiled regretfully as you sucked up your plethora of dark thoughts and gave her a small but fake smile.

 Opening the box you blinked at the sudden explosion of color.

 Apprehensive, you picked up the - you didn’t quite know what it was.

 Turning it side to side you finally were able to figure out after much too long that this ball fluff was, in fact, a backpack.

 It was hard to deduct that seeing as it was bright pink with rainbow fur, a horn, and googly eyes.

 It was loud, obnoxious, and -

 “The munchkins help pick it out” she absentmindedly played with the fur while judging your reaction.

 “I love it” You hugged it, feeling your chest tight with affection imaging the little monsters and your mom thinking that  _ this _ was suited for you and judging by the quality of the bag, how much your mother must have saved up for this saccharine monstrosity.

 Maneuvering all of your belongings to its new place in the tight confines of the car, you stared happily at the ball of fur in your lap.

 It was atrocious in the most wonderful way.

 “Okay," she sighed regretfully, "its time.”

 She held your cheeks in her hands making you unable to avert your gaze.

 “You got this” there was unwavering honesty in her eyes that mesmerize you. “You are smart and wonderful and you  _ got _ this”

 The conviction made you hesitate as you forced away any tears. After a short but profound moment, you nodded your head as much as you could with your face squashed as it was.

After a tender moment, she released your face as you both to turn and look at the ornate and oppressively beautiful building. Too huge and wonderful to be a school. 

You gulped.

 With a last parting glance at your mother, you tried to memorize her loving and proud smile, making it fill you up with courage you didn’t feel.

 “You belong there smartypants” she winked and patted your bum on your way out of the car making you squeak in embarrassment.

 Words were caught in your throat as the reality of the situation made its way known. You would finally be going to a real school. You knew if you stalled this any longer you would never go in. Attempting to rip it off like a pesky band-aid you gave her a short nod, clutching your lunch close to your chest and marched up the stairs.

 Hearing Belba’s off-key bonk you turned, allowing yourself one last look at your beaming mother.

 You hoped the smile you sent was somewhat reassuring before continuing your trek up those stairs. Thankfully you were blessed with the fact that most of the students were to already be inside.

 The only few that were still loitering about were clustered off to the side and by the snickering, you heard as you passed, had seen you.

 At once the measly confidence you manage to summon was snuffed away as you sprinted up those never-ending stairs to escape their leering eyes.

_ You belong here. You belong here. You belong here. You belong here. _

 For some reason, it didn't sound as plausible when you said it to yourself.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first meeting ... well sort of!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I hope you guys are enjoying the story! I am not a native english speaker so if you catch any grammar issues I will be quick to fix them! Enjoy

The first time you saw  _ him _ , you knew you should steer far away from his near vicinity.

When you open the mammoth doors you could only see a flash of him down the hall. Tall and silhouetted in black, he glided with a swift grace through the halls like he was a gyne amongst her subjects. His presence was undeniable, comically splitting through the crowd of students reminding you of the images of Moses you saw in Sunday school.

But as quick as you saw him, he disappeared. You assumed that anyone who commanded that much space had to be a tyrannical principal or at least one of the scary teachers available in every school.

Someone you  _ definitely _ didn't want to encounter on your first day.

Forcing away your curiosity, you were finally able to admire your surroundings, gasping without thought when confronted by how  _ immense _ it was. You were almost afraid to touch the walls, fearing your scholarship hands would sully the place. With high ceilings, a huge skylight, long tidy stairs in various directions, and impossibly long stretching hallways, it felt like a residence more suited for the Queen than students.

_ Of course, royalty did attend this school. _ Your brain unhelpfully reminded you which brought you back to the present. Where those aforementioned students that were still lounging in the hall watched you with barely concealed amusement as you gaped about like a fish.

You let out a small squeak, to your utter mortification, and quickly retreated to the brightly labeled main office hoping to seek refuge from their merciless eyes.

You entered the space, breathing a sigh of relief and sharing a warm smile with the elderly secretary who helpfully guided you to the principal's office.

As you knocked timidly at the door, an affable man with a bright smile and pudgy cheeks that matched your own greeted you with a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. No one should be this jovial this early in the morning. The short round man guided you into his warmly lit office, which even under all the overwhelming clutter, was grandiose.

“Hello my dear! I'm Dakarus Griffiths, the Headmaster of this fine establishment! You can call me Mr. Griffiths, Dakarus, Griffs or even G-dog. Its what my friends call me” he winked conspiratorially trapping your hand in warm palms. “It is such a pleasure to meet our newest scholarship receiver. Such a pity it will only be you this year," you felt yourself being guided to an impossibly soft chair.

"I am still fighting for the creative arts scholarship for next year so fingers crossed! Oh, please come sit!” placing small moon-shaped glasses on his button nose he squinted at the wrinkled paper in front of him while you sunk deep into the chair.

“We are quite impressed with your records missy and with all the trials and tribulations you went through! We always love having those with a fresh and unique perspective in our little school! Some of the kids here can be a little - well, high-hat at times but don’t go tell anyone that” he whispered comically. You wonder how he never seemed to be out of breath, “the donors would be none so please if they heard little old me ever say anything disparagingly about their precious young ones but you know diversity only brings out the best and-”

What happened in the next few minutes was a blur. Trying your hardest to keep track of his one-sided conversation you nodded dumbly, attempting to grasp crucial information in his upbeat tirade on the school. Somehow the conversation steered towards his new knitting club that he and his pub friends were setting up. They were hoping to knit enough sweaters to give to the local shelter which made your heart gush.

You left the cluttered but incredibly cozy office with a warm hand on your shoulder, clutching your new schedule and information tightly to your chest. Once stepping out of that warm atmosphere into the cold clinical hallway, you suddenly did not feel as reassured as Mr. Griffiths hoped to make you.

You were starkly reminded of how uncomfortable your ill-fitting uniform was on your chubby belly, the small hole in your dirty shoes and your new too bright backpack that would undeniably attract unwanted attention. Placed in this new foreign environment you felt as if all you gathered this morning was one thing. 

You did  _ not _ belong.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I am sorry for teasing. You will have your first real introduction next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Okay. Now you meet.

At least the principal was nice, you compromised, and if anything maybe you could spend your lunch with G-dog as he discussed the vast superiority of circular needles.

“Ah yes!” he cheered as he guided you to the shiny front desk occupied by an even more, if possible, welcoming smile. The elderly woman you ashamedly overlooked enveloped your hands in her surprisingly strong grip.

“Hello sweetie, I’m Mrs. Tarmin.”

Mumbling shy pleasantries you burned brightly at her coo, “aww very polite young lady you have here Dakarus”

“Yes, indeed sweet Anita dear! I think she will make a fine addition don’t you?”

They shared a heated glance that made you momentarily forget your discomfort as you briefly imagined the two of them going on cozy knitting dates.

“Oh ahem” he blushed pink making their envisioned romantic tryst even more plausible, “Anita dear, would you be well- aha a dear and tell me who is the lucky student that will help guide the young miss this month”

“No problem Dakarus” she smiled prettily as she unambiguously batted her eyelashes to the increasingly reddening man. G-Dog smoothed out his thin balding hair, leaning against the counter. However, he miscalculated and slipped a bit  _ but _ performed a suave recovery if you said so yourself. Flirting was never more wholesome than at this moment as you decided to root for their unmistaken courtship.

As if remembering your existence during their heated stare down, he turned towards you and puffed out his round belly in an unsubtle attempt at peacocking, “You see here at Coruscant, we prize our efforts to ensure any new transfers are properly inundated into the system. Our scholarship program is incredibly esteemed and attentive in order to ensure all yearly transfers are able to properly utilize their talents. We want them to be on par as quickly as possible with students who have been a part of this school system since Year 1. To do this, we have a student mentor for the first month to help ease the transition as smoothly as possible. Both academically and socially! I created the system when I first became Headmaster"

The way he proudly boasted the achievement, you could tell it was mostly for Mrs. Tarmin’s sake than yours. Seeing her response you could tell he succeeded. Smiling politely you congratulated his policy as the conversation somehow steered back into knitting.

“And don’t get me started on the yarn supplier you wouldn’t believe-”

“Oh” Mrs. Tarmin frowned, losing her jovial mirth.

“Anita? Are you alright?”

She quickly shook her head tidying up her intricate bun, “y-yes of course!” she smiled fakely, looking at you with thinly-veiled concern.

_ Uh oh. _

“It seems that Mr. Kenobi was chosen.”

The expression on G-dog’s face misplaced as he almost grudgingly asked her to call up said student to the front desk.

You felt unease pool in your belly whoever this Mr.Kenobi was, he was trouble.

However, you weren’t given much time to hypothesis what Mr. Kenobi looked like as when you turned  _ he _ was there.

_ Did all kids at this school look like him?  _

He was  _ tall _ . Long and thin like the ominous shadow under a creaking door. His face possessed such strong features for someone his age, a Romanesque nose, thick lips, and deep obsidian eyes glared unimpressed at your bewildered expression. 

_ How did he manage to make school uniform look that polished? _

You turned to the pointed cough beside you, remembering the other people present, “ah this will be your introductory guide. Usually, it would be the previous scholarship winner in order to encourage a sort of solidarity in situation but due to circumstances out of our control that will not be the case.” There was an out of place edge in his voice for someone so jolly. If you would have looked up from staring intently at your tattered shoes you would have seen G-Dog’s equally unimpressed frown directed at the menacing figure in front of you. “There are other winners, but It seems that the board has chosen to elect the person most conveniently placed in most of your classes.” His voice seemed doubtful as if he didn’t even believe what he was saying.

_ Lucky you. _

“You will treat her well. Right, Benjamin” the Headmaster beside you wasn’t the same kind man you met earlier and you wish you could melt into the ground to avoid the oppressing tension between the pair.

You glanced up at the figure - Benjamin. You internally winced, practically hearing the boy's teeth grate against each other as he glared murderously at the Headmaster. 

“Yes, Dakarus,” the utter contempt drenched in those two words had you mutely impressed.

However, you were more impressed by the unwillingness of the Headmaster who at once transformed into an unyielding stronghold.

“That is Mr. Griffiths to you, Benjamin.”

_ Guess Benjamin wasn’t G-dog’s friend. _

Twiddling your thumbs you almost missed the short nod that seemed painful for Benjamin to do. He abruptly turned, billowing his long black coat in the most dramatic fashion, and glided down the hall without a glance behind him.

You quickly jumped into action, clutching your schedule, and sent a brief reassuring smile to the stiff Headmaster who was unashamedly glaring at the quickly retreating figure.

“Come to me with any problems do you understand” you gulped at his grave tone and nodded vehemently.

“Yes, sir.”

“Ah, call me Dakarus. Or G-Dog” and once again he was back.

He patted your shoulder “have a great day dear! And do come by anytime. We could always use more students aboard the knitting club!”

You blinked dumbly, not sure what to do besides nod once more and waved at him and the blanched secretary. You ignored the unconcealed look of pity she was sending you as much as you could.

You wanted to just call it quits but seeing as how Benjamin was already quite far down the hall, you puffed up your chest, summoned your last reserve of courage, and ran after him. 

However, all that confidence disappeared when you met said boy by colliding into his solid back.

For someone, so lanky he sure felt like running into a wall.

“Ah I’m so so so sorry” you gasped mortified, rubbing your forehead.

He turned with a look of such utter contempt, it made you think you killed his whole family or something. Before, of course, you realized that you never even met this bloke. However, like whiplash, his face became stoic as he looked at you. You couldn’t decide which expression frightened you more.

“U-U-u-u “ you fidgeted turning bright pink “um I'm-“

“I know your name”

You squeaked, yes  _ squeaked _ like a scared piggy, much to your shame, at the unexpected interruption.

“Oh yes, of course, how silly of me!”

Silence.

“Um, it's a pleasure to meet you, Benjamin”

Silence.

You held out your hand and watched him gaze at your appendage for too long with an expression that seemed much too intense for your liking. After a long awkward moment in which your arm began to strain you admitted defeat. Shame, a regular occurrence today it seemed, swallowed you whole as you slowly lowered your hand. Luckily, before you could hide your face in the utter mortification your pudgy fingers were trapped in cold hands.

You were fascinated by how long his fingers were, it looked like spider webs ensnaring its prey. You gulped.

_ Right. What a lovely image. Oh gosh, could your face turn any redder? _

He cleared his throat and you realized that it indeed could when you were caught staring at his fingers like an utter nutter.

_ Great introduction. _

He stared at you blankly with a stony silence that made your brain panic.

Doing what you always do, being the fool you are, you filled it with mortifying word vomit that you couldn’t stop as much as you desperately wanted too.

“You’re tall!”

Silence.

_ Kill me. _

“That’s, that’s a compliment I swear! I’m so jealous wow I wish I had legs like yours”

Silence.

_ Kill. Me. Now. _

“Being tall is great! I wouldn't know of course but you could model being that tall! I don’t think you model though.”

You gasped

“Ah not saying you couldn’t it’s just that why would you be here if you did but you totally could and should model! You have the face for it! My cousin, she models for our church and she is so beautiful and says that a lot of places want models now who aren’t pretty but have unique features like you!”

Your eyes widened in horror as you reached out with a comforting hand. Why couldn’t you stop insulting him? Why were you still  _ talking _ ?

“Not that your not pretty you are very very pretty-”

He stared at your stubby hand clutching his much too expensive jacket. Curse your family for being the overly physically affectionate lot. His face was unreadable and you wondered if you needed the scholarship.  _ You don’t right? _

Quickly snatching your hand away you ran it through your hair and stared at him with wide eyes, “I’m so so sorry. I should have asked. It’s not right to touch people without their permission. My mom taught me that real young when I tried to stuff my fist into my cousin's mouth because of a dare”

_ Kill. Me. Now. Please. _

“The class is this way.”

His baritone voice was by no means trying to save you from the utter mess you got yourself into, but you took it as one anyway. Trying with all your might to keep pace to followed beside him, internally cursing his long legs.

Maybe noticing your embarrassing display of athleticism, he surprisingly slowed down and you gave him a wide-tooth thanks.

Seeing him nod triggered your rambling once more.

You wish you could warm him how easily your brain loved to dispense utter garbage out of your mouth when given the chance. This is why you couldn’t have friends. Any act of kindness ultimately met with never-ending, painfully embarrassing chatter.

You didn’t know what you talked about. It was truly a blur as you stole looks at the impassive and looming presence beside you.

“Another reason why dolphins are actually robots is that-”

“We are here.”

You blinked dumbly at the sudden interruption turning pink and staring up at the apathetic student.  _ Geeze he was tall, you would get a crick in your neck if you kept this up. _

“Oh wow, that was fast.”

Silence.

It felt like he was assessing you for some reason. Maybe trying to communicate something in those unfathomable eyes of his and you felt on edge. You tugged helplessly at a stray string on your backpack.

“I’m um going in?”

He offered no help, just observing you like a specimen under a microscope.

You blinked looking at the door and back at him.

Then it clicked.

_ High-hat. _

You internally frowned at the realization that he expected you to open the door. You didn’t mind opening the door out of politeness. However, expecting it because you were newer, poorer, or your place to do so or something was not the same thing. He didn’t give you any evidence to refute your beliefs, just watching you like you were a boring calculus problem, which made your assumptions feel correct.

You were by no means a bloody butler, but you were polite and well mannered, so you shook it off and quickly attempting to open the much too tall door mumbling apologies.

However, the doors here were much heavier than you anticipated, and to your shame, you couldn't even open it a smidge.

_Geez_ _do rich people use stone for their doors?_

You were humiliated, once again, when you heard him sigh deeply and pulled the door open. It was horrifyingly easy, seeing how you were opening it wrong and all. You were pushing it out, like the doors at your schools, but that was not the case here. You rambled out your thanks intently staring at your shoes.

Being homeschooled, you of course didn’t have  _ much _ experience with students your age. Actually, quite frankly, no experience aside from Sunday school but you finished that a few years ago). However, you did your research (namely countless among countless of cheesy highschool movies). However you hoped that maybe high school wasn’t like those movies, seeing as those movies were quite intimidating (seeing how you did not at all look like the actors in those films). So entering this school, while starting off on a rough start, you held onto your stubborn wish that maybe, just maybe, it will be like how your mother described it. That you would find your pack and belong here.

Online friends and the kids you spoke to briefly on the block weren’t the same as real life connections. When you received the scholarship you were hungry at the idea that maybe you would finally secure a real life friendship. As you stepped in, not yet looking up you felt fleeting hope that this could be your moment. 

However, as you dutifully entered the classroom you were shocked to realize how accurate those movies were. 

The room was full of models, kids much too attractive to be your age. Kids who somehow made standard uniforms look like couture.

You unintentionally hid behind Benjamin’s tall figure.

It felt like their eyes were ruthlessly analyzing your whole being, like yours every morning, zoning into every flaw.

The boys and girls reeked of poshness. You would rather be swallowed whole or walk 20 miles with Benjamin and his stony silence than stay stuck in a room with this lot.

However, you sucked it up as you always do, offering a shy smile with a wave. You flinched at the sniggering heard somewhere in the back. You turned to your side, hoping to maybe find solace in your appointed-guide but was startled to see Benjamin already marching to a chair in the back of the class. The class stiffened, even cursing at him when he passed. You could hear the words ‘freak’, ‘monster’, ‘loon’, ‘dangerous’, ‘stalker’ and other insults being muttered about. However, if he did hear it, which he must have, he remained unaffected as he sat down regally. Looking like he was so much better than this already incredibly impressive crowd. You felt a jolt of camaraderie with Benjamin, he was an outcast like you would be in this school. Empathy pooled in your belly and you ignored the warning from the Headmaster.

You began to walk towards him without any hesitation as to who you wanted to sit next too. Judging by your entrance a deep part of you knew you would be quickly shunned at this school, and he seemed to be in the same position.

You tried to summon his confidence as you walked past the large crowd gossiping in the middle of the class. You didn’t succeed when heard the snickering. It felt so loud in your ears, you could have sworn it was all directed at you. Some might not have, but the snide comments on a bag and (you felt dread in your stomach) a large belly, made it clear that enough were.

You hovered shyly when you made it to your destination. Benjamin ignored you as he took out his materials, looking imperious even when turning a page in his notebook and writing out the date. Even his  _ handwriting _ somehow managed to look regal.

You envied it, and to your horror, you realized you were standing much too close for much too long. Usually, in this situation, the person would glance up at you. Talk to you. Or at least acknowledge the person practically breathing on their forehead, but Benjamin, to your utter luck, was not of that sort.

However, you couldn’t find yourself to be too bothered about it after witnessing the aversion he received from his peers. You knew bullying could mess up a person and you felt concern with the realization that maybe he was afraid you would bully him too.

So you sucked up your pride and attempted to be as encouraging with your demeanor as you could.

You failed but managed to get out a mostly comprehensive sentence.

“Um, c-c-could I sit next to you Benjamin?”

_ Cheers. You managed to stutter only one word. _

You tried to return his black stare with a hopeful smile, you hoped it didn’t look like a grimace.

He studied you and you felt that same eerie sensation of being tested. For what, you didn’t know. You hoped he just wanted to see if you wouldn’t curse him out like the others.

Silence, maybe you were wrong.

“Yes, you may.”

Puberty made his voice so deep you noted as you gave a wide grateful smile.

You plopped down beside him assuming that maybe his whole haughty thing was just his personality. You knew a lot of quiet people who came off a bit rude. Your aunt Glendora acted like she hated your guts but you knew she loved you, despite never smiling. So, you figured he was of the same breed and decided you that you and him would make great friends. He already seemed to like you enough, feeling a little more hopeful about the situation, you took in the room with awe.

However, when admiring the details you caught the eyes of the other students in the class unashamedly laughing your way. You didn't know if it was towards you, or maybe Benjamin, but you avert your eyes nonetheless flinching at every loud comment.

“Aww, that backpack.”

_ Oh goodie, it was you. _

“It looks like she’ll break the chair”

_ Death. _

_ Yes, death would be nice. _

You try to ignore the burning in your eyes.

Sniffling, you breathed in deep trying to remember your mom’s words.

You never really had this problem before. At home, your aunt Glendora (while incredibly strict with her teacher) wasn’t the type to outright insult you (only make well-meaning comments on your physique). The only other experience you had in this type environment was at sunday school. However, you were so lucky to be surrounded by the kindest, if not the most fortunate, people you’ve ever met. It also didn’t help you all were pubescent at the time but you hoped that maybe that goodwill carried through with age. If felt like all your dreams of finding friends was being dashed.

“Ignore them.”

You paused at the sudden command. You glanced at the reflection of Benjamin in the glass window.

He watched the outside scenery with such a noble and apathetic grace that came from  _ knowing _ you’re superior.

You almost thought you imagined his voice as he didn’t seem to move from his position. Looking almost like a painting in the reflection of the sunlight.

“They are idiots.”

You blinked.

In the reflection, you saw his plump lips scowl briefly and you met his eyes giving him a wide smile.

“Thanks, Benjamin.”

He turned to stare at you and frowned deeply.

“Crying annoys me. Only the weak do it”

“Oh” you mumbled looking down at your notebook.

You could tell it was supposed to be an insult. But you also figured it was just his personality and he meant it the same way Glendora meant it when she calls you portly. Well-intentioned concern that came off harsher than they meant to be. So you smiled nonetheless into your pages. Maybe you actually did make a friend?

Scratching your head you idly tapped your fingertips on your notebook.

“Do you like Physics?”

He regarded you, managing to make silence sound so loud.

“Um because this-this is Physics class”

“It's English.”

“Ohhhhh” you chuckled increasing the drumming of your fingers, “right right right English” 

“Stop that” he commanded.

You felt your cheeks heat, you’ve been doing that a lot recently.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I babble so much you know its a problem I can’t help it.”

“You hands” he stressed, closing his eyes and sighing as if this conversation was not worth the effort.

“Oh sorry!”

He watched as your fingers immediately flattened onto the table.

His eyes returned back to your unsure ones. Something in them made you apprehensive. 

What was he thinking?

“Give me your pencil,” it was curt and unexpected.

You gave him one without thought, “of course!”

You quickly passed him the extra one on your desk.

"The one your writing with"

You paused, they were practically the same type but followed the command nonetheless.

You felt so happy at how much this was friendship was progressing, sure he wasn’t the most polite of blokes but you could manage this.

He seized the chewed up pencil and placed it neatly next to his organized display of writing utensils. You couldn't help your blush as your fingers touched together, but hoped he didn't notice it.

He probably did as he just continued to  _ stare _ at you. His eyes were calculative as he observed you for far longer than was polite.

You were beginning to get more nervous, however, stubbornly decided that this interaction was confirmation of your blooming friendship. Since he didn't tell you to stop talking you began to babble once more.

You managed a burst out a good amount of sentences of rubbage before a redhead flounced to your table.

“Out.”

This newcomer's face was as pointed as his words. He was as tall as Benjamin and just as put-together, with red hair slicked neatly in place.

You were left at a blank, too startled to react.

“Oh um” you looked at Benjamin for aid but he was still quiet opting to just appraise the situation with a clinical distance.

The redhead appeared irritated with your lack of response, bending down to meet your wide eyes.

“Out of my chair you idiot before the break it” he enunciated each word as if you were a child, it made them sting even more.

_ People really liked that joke here _ , tears unwillingly welled up in your eyes.

_ You belong here. You belong here. You belong here. _

Ethereal vultures watched the scene with thirsty anticipation and laughing with approval, you sniffled pathetically in your seat.

_ You belong here. You belong here. You belong here. _

“Now.”

You bowed your head in defeat, clumsily reaching for your belongings.

A large hand rested on your notebook.

“She stays Hux.”

The sudden voice stopped you and you quickly turned, so achingly hopeful while staring at Benjamin’s unreadable face.

The redhead practically malfunctioned, his face turning as red as his hair.

He paused for a moment, considering the two of you. You flinched at his dismissive stare as he suddenly gave a nasty bark of a laugh.

“Oh, you can’t be serious Ben. I didn’t say anything before but you can’t expect this blimp of tub to be a suitable replacement for your last pe -”

The hand slamming on your notebook caused you to squeak. The fingers clenched in a fist, looked like it was trying to stop itself from wrapping around the suddenly quiet boy’s throat. 

The other redhead’s words confused you but it mostly just hurt you. However, you weren’t able to process it much too fascinated and horrified by the look of death on Benjamin’s face.

“Do  _ not _ mention that again Hux.”

He hissed it out like a snake. Hux seemed to recognize the unvoiced promise of violence and eventually gave Benjamin a stiff nod. Even though Hux was a right ass he still was braver than you as he managed to look pissed while complying.

“Sit there,” Benjamin commanded to the empty seat in front of you two.

Hux opened his mouth to complain but whatever he saw in Benjamin’s eye made him close it close with an audible snap as he sat in the char with as much indignation possible.

There was a tense silence in the air as the other students quickly looked away, apparently also afraid of Benjamin’s reprimand. Hux seemed unaffected giving you one last unimpressed look, which caused you to flinch despite yourself, and began chatting with Benjamin as if the whole situation didn’t occur.

Benjamin cooled down after a moment, reverting back to that mask of stoicism once more.

However, you couldn’t pay attention to their conversation still reeling from the encounter. You stared at your notebook feeling, well, a bit pleased.

He defended you. It still hurt what Hux said, the insult clinging to your pride, but Benjamin defended  _ you _ against his friend. You, a complete and utter new kid,  _ and _ he wanted you to sit next to him.

The realization that you really did make a new friend, and with one of the scariest kids in the school it seemed, made you feel truly happy for the first time since you left the safe confines of Belba.

You caught his eye when the teacher came. Hux turned his head away with an annoyed sigh at the interruption. Feeling braver since Hux wasn't able to offer any critiques, you sent a truly enormous and elated smile to Benjamin. Benjamin paused, his eyes met yours with that eerie focus that unsettled you a bit. But, remembering his previous actions, dismissed your instincts that it was just a part of his personality.

“Thank you.”

Silence.

Maybe he didn’t know what for?

“For you know defending me.” You looked at your notebook feeling your face heat in embarrassment as he just continued to  _ observe _ you.

Silence.

“U-um, it's hard to do so against a friend so thank you"

Silence.

"I er, I hope that we too can be friends um Ben?”

You winced at how awkward you managed to muddle up a simple thanks.

However, after a merciless moment of silence that lasted for so much longer than it should have, he nodded.

That was all the confirmation you needed as you happily turned to listen to the teacher, ignoring the prickling feeling of being watched. 

You just secured your first flesh and bone friend. You decided his strong eye-contact was just something you would get used too.

So, that was how you two became friends. Now here is how it all fell apart in the most horrendous ways.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was long ... sorry about that!
> 
> Okay I want to warn you, without too much spoilers, that Kylo will be manipulative and not that nice. You have a very poor judge in characters and are super biased. I mean he didn't even defend *you* against being called fat. So like remember reader is a biased narrator!
> 
> Also I hope ben was reasonably in character. I wanted him to be somewhat nice I mean I see Kylo as being his final evil form but this part of him, while not nice or healthy, is mostly just unaware of how cruel he can be! (Not excusing it though!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Day of School!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We meet Hux, Phasma, Poe, and Finn (kind of)!

Having friends required a lot more work than you had anticipated. It wasn’t bad work per se, just mostly getting accustomed to your Ben’s quirks.

After that fateful class, you were a little at a loss on what to do next. However, Ben quickly dissuade you of your confusion in his particular way by abruptly standing up and walking to the door without a glance at your direction. He managed to push pass students who cursed in annoyance. Hux quickly followed suit strutting out the door in a very imperious manner.

You felt perplexed and a little hurt staring at the doorway, you assumed that friends would at least acknowledge you. As you morosely placed your belongings away, waiting for the rest of the class to clear out, you began to become a little nervous. The realization that you would have to navigate to your next class alone made you pout without meaning. However, as you stood up to embark on your journey you were pleasantly surprised to see Ben, in all his grim glory, lurking in the doorway scowling you.

He looked almost like a movie monster and expression did frighten you a bit, but the gesture was much appreciated. You quickly bounced up to your new pal greeting him with an unreturned smile. Hux was beside him with a similar scowl as he dramatically rolled his eyes at your dimming grin.

You bit your lip cranking your head up at your friend feeling unsure the longer he remained unresponsive, “Um thanks B-Ben?”

_ Geeze, he really knew how to strike fear into a person. _

Silence.

Those obsidian eyes just watched you, making goosebumps break out on your neck. It felt like he was evaluating you.

You became a bit nervous, to say the least, and rambled out apologies. That seemed to do the trick because you were, thankfully, interrupted by his low voice.

“Don’t keep me waiting”

Your ears rang in your head with how quickly you nodded much to the snide amusement of Hux. Twiddling your thumbs, you assured your new friend that ‘of course’ you would be quicker. It seemed like you passed the test.

Well, you assumed you did as he abruptly swirled around and marched down the hall with Hux beside him and you nipping at their heels.

_ At least he confirmed it was Ben now.  _ Your brain offered hopefully.

Gosh, you felt guilty realizing he assumed you would follow. Realizing that they had been waiting for you this whole time made you bow your head in shame as you trailed behind. Only one class and you were mucking up this whole friendship business.

He was much different than you thought your first friend would be. Your online friends were incredibly supportive but Ben was special. More candid and if you wanted to make the case, a little bit rude. However, you were steadfast that it was a byproduct of bullying or maybe just his whole thing. Glendora seemed to warm up to you enough to stiffly return your hugs after 10 years so you were sure that you would be able to succeed with Ben.

You just had to learn his particular language is all. He communicated with looks and being fluent in ASL made you confident you could learn his vocabulary in no time.

Hux seemed to be a person you would have to work overtime to impress. However, he did laugh when you fell into Ben’s back right after that conversation causing you both to collapse onto the floor. It was incredibly embarrassing and you wanted to just die, seeing how you practically smothered the poor boy, but Hux seemed to enjoy the display. So there's that, you guess. Luckily, your delay made the three of you late to class so no one was in the hall to observe your mortification.

Also, if anything Ben should give you a little warning when he abruptly stopped in the middle of the hall like a nutter. Of course, that was where the next class was, but how you were to know that?

Though you were quick to pick up your companion, babbling apologies at a rapid pace and trying to assess any damage. You were a hefty breed so you were sure you might have caused a rupture or something. You didn’t thankfully,  _ however _ you did manage to come off as if you were groping the poor bloke.

Quickly realizing how unseemly it may have appeared you recoiled as if scalded and looked up with horror at Ben’s face. You knew you were as red as Hux’s hair at this point and felt as if your head would just melt from the blood rushing to your cheeks.

Hux seemed to be in a tizzy with it all and Ben thankfully barked at him to stop. Hux did, eventually. How that boy was brave enough to be so flippant with Ben’s venomous glares beat you.

You were so afraid that your friendship would be terminated there and then. The  _ look _ he gave you made you shiver in place. Even with his pink cheeks he managed to look intimidating, to say the least. Gosh, you really  _ were _ mucking this whole thing up you internally cursed at yourself.

However, after a moment of silence with only Hux’s attempt to cease his chortles in the background and your flustered apologies, he rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. He even addressed you by your name to stop you which was a very pleasant surprise.

“I’m fine,” he managed to look so utterly irritated as he stared at you like you were a dunce. “Just watch where you’re going” he warned.

You agreed vehemently opening your mouth, only to quickly shut it with a snap when he raised his hands and pointed at the door. Seeing how you almost killed him you figured you wouldn't be too prideful and get upset at being commanded like a dog.

You opened the door once more, properly this time, and held it out like a servant for the two tall boys. Ben said something to make Hux laugh meanly, you hoped your friend wasn’t the type that likes teasing amongst each other.

From then you made sure to be vigilant in his movements to not repeat that disaster.

The rest of the day went pretty smooth, Ben had you sit beside him which was unexpected but enough of an affirmation to you that the whole incident was in the past. You’re friendship while having off at a rocky start, would be strong and long you decided. You already were making improvements in deciphering Ben, he would stare at objects he wanted you to give him. He stared at doors, meaning he wanted you to open them. He would even slow his pace in the hallways so you could follow him.

He didn’t talk to you much besides that, chatting with Hux about projects you didn’t understand. He didn’t really try to enlighten you on what these projects were, or even really include you in the conversations, but that didn’t deter you much.

You tried once during calculus to insert your opinion however Ben’s cold silence and Hux’s sneer made you close your mouth. That didn’t mean he didn’t talk to you during this. He would ‘ask’ for things like friends do. Like a pencil or paper, even though you noticed he had plenty of them. He wouldn’t really use them or return them, and he wouldn’t really phrase it as a question, but you figured it was the price of friendship. He also did some weird commands like ‘sit up in your chair’, ‘stop fidgeting’, ‘don't bite your pencil’ and what not during class. It felt a bit like being around your grandma but you would follow the suggestions anyway seeing that maybe he just picked it up from his family. Aunt Glendora sure picked up her mom’s strict characteristics.

It stung a little to be treated like an annoying puppy, but you figured this was just the first day.

Things changed a bit during lunchtime. By lunchtime, you were worried if this tentative friendship would expand to outside of the curriculum and tentatively slid beside Ben. He didn't respond to your decision as if he expected it. Hux acknowledged it, making a derisive sigh, but tolerated it and began ignoring you once more. It seemed that you didn't have to worry about where to sit anymore. So you happily hid in Ben's oppressive shadow to get away from the stares and whispers as you observed your peers.

You wanted to see if you could expand your friend prospects, maybe even get Ben some new more friendly companions besides Hux, but didn’t have much opportunity to do so. All your classes were with Ben and your peers seemed unreceptive to your smiles. Most would gawk at you, or maybe at Ben, it was hard to tell making you apprehensive to approach. You wanted to take this time to officially admire your prospects.

There were those who would look back at you three, some that didn’t take notice, and one group that was pointing animatedly at your table. It was an attractive lot looking like it was led by a boy who so ruggedly handsome it made you blush. His eyes met yours and you felt yourself gasp, quickly looking down into your sandwich.  _ Geez, you were pathetic. _ When you finally had the courage to glance up again he was glowering. It took you back and you felt shaken.  _ You hope you weren’t that unattractive. _

Soon enough though you realized he was looking at your neighbor who, you realized to your horror, was glaring down at you. You didn’t know how long but the venom he expelled made you tremble.

His face lowered close to yours, you could practically count his eyelashes.

“Do not look at them again.” You whimpered despite yourself at his harsh tone, having unwanted memories flash behind your eyes.

You could register Hux snorting in the background, unaware or uncaring of your fear.

Ben’s eyes never left yours and you felt as if you would be punished, as strange as it was, if you looked away. It left you feeling confused and angry, you didn’t like the memories it brought about, but you were too frightened to process anything more than the need to meekly stay put.

“Ah Ben you're frightening the poor fool”

It was the kindest sentence Hux directed towards you, despite the tone, and you appreciated it.

Ben finally looked away after a contemplative stare turning to direct his ire at the handsome boy who started it all.

“Poe and Ben have a  _ history _ ” Hux winked, enjoying this all much too much, “you’ll find out about it soon enough”

It sounded like a threat, you gulped.

“No, she will not” Ben gave Hux a brief frown that Hux merely shrugged his shoulders at. Ben grumbled a curse before returning his stare down with this Poe character.

Feeling a little less apprehensive and becoming more miffed as you processed what had occurred, you rebelliously looked at Poe.

Poe was returning Ben’s hate tenfold, standing up and ready to attack if not for his friends holding him back. Said friends were shooting Ben and you for some reason, hostile looks as if you caused the whole silent showdown. The whole cafeteria watched in anticipation, you held your breath.

However, amidst this silent chaos, one boy caught your attention. He was handsome like his comrade, with strong lips and a strong jaw. Though it wasn’t his looks that caught your attention but the fact that he was staring directly at  _ you _ , never once batting an eye at your neighbor. He looked at you as if he was desperately trying to communicate to you. The look he gave you made unease pool in your belly. It was the same look Mrs. Tarmin gave you only this morning, a look of unadulterated concern.

You quickly looked away not wanting to acknowledge whatever he was trying to relate to you. It was troubling, to say the least.

Distracting yourself with the silent fight going on across the room you were relieved when Poe was the first to look away. He sent one last threatening look at Ben, glancing your way before returning to his table with a puffed up chest and intimidating strut in his walk. It was clear to you that whatever had occurred was far from over.

But as quick as it occurred it over. Ben returned back to his food as if nothing had happened. Sure, there was a gloomy silence around him but if you didn’t know the context it would have seemed normal. Hux sighed exasperatedly and just began talking once more.

It was as if you imagined it.

You felt that anger become more evident the more you brewed on the situation. You did  _ not _ appreciate your friend talking to you that way. It reminded you of too many painful memories. After a moment you nodded your head determined, you would not follow the past mistakes of your dear sweet mother.

You would just set boundaries is all. A part of you was afraid to confront Ben about said boundaries seeing as you had nowhere else to go and he was your first friend as well as designated navigator for the month, however, you knew it needed to be done.

Nodding decidedly, you took a deep breath. You never had the opportunity to do this before, Jab left before you could confront him for all the abuse he inflicted and he luckily never popped back up long enough in your life to warrant one. But you imagined the confrontation enough times to feel somewhat prepared.

However, thinking of this made it truly dawn on you that your mother might try to have another kid with that monster.

But that was a dilemma for another time and you steeled yourself.

It wasn’t the same thing, he wasn’t Jab, but if Jab was going to try to have another kid and trap your mother to him, this felt like fitting enough practice.

_ Breath _ .

“You can’t talk to me like that”

It was so quiet you were afraid and hopeful he wouldn’t hear it. It was heard as Hux snickered meanly opening his mouth to most definitely to spew insults. Ben held out his hand preventing his friend's verbal assault. You met his pensive frown for a moment before intently observing your half-eaten sandwich.

Silence.

You began to sweat worried that he would rebuff your comment. Maybe even abandon you to the vultures. Why did you-

“Poe would hurt you. He has taken a lot from me in the past”

His voice sounded so haunted that you felt safe enough to look at him.

He stared down at the table, a shadow of darkness around him that made you pause.

The pieces came together for you, you didn’t know what Poe has done to hurt Ben but he definitely did  _ something _ to cause your new pal to look like  _ that _ . Empathy and understanding put your anger to shame as you instinctively patted his shoulders.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize he was a bully” you felt guilty remembering all the mean looks Ben received during the day. The pain must cause to someone made you frown.

Hux sputtered into his food looking utterly thrilled at the comment and Ben’s suddenly flushed cheeks.

“Oh yes, Poe is such a  _ bully _ to poor Ben. He even shoves Ben into lockers when given the chance” he practically wheezed.

You gasped horrified both at Hux’s utter lack of concern for his friend’s wellbeing  _ (Ben really knew how to pick them _ ) and the fact that such things actually occurred these days. You thought that only happened in cheesy shows.  _ Were they really that accurate? _

Looking aghast at Ben it confirmed your fears that his disposition was a defense mechanism from constant bullying. You would also be angry at the world if you suffered the same fate. Especially being as tall as him, it probably was torture to be shoved into such a small place!

Ben looked as if he was about to strangle his friend. Hux was too busy giggling into his meal and gleefully recounting all the ways Ben has been bullied to care. You sympathized as you would also be upset if you had to deal with the insensitivity Hux was displaying. You could see the reddening in Ben's cheeks and quickly grabbed his arm, “I’m so sorry Ben. Poe is a complete and utter ass”

Ben eyes stared into yours. It was impossible to read what was going on in his head but it put you on edge once more. You felt as if he was reading every single facial tic and processing his next move. However, it didn't deter you from trying to provide a comforting smile despite your discomfort.

After a heavy silence, he nodded his head.

Hux had calmed down enough at that point to just observe you two. His eyes no longer holding that sadistic cheer but instead glinting in a cold and calculative manner.

You quickly snatched your hand away and felt your face burn with the insinuating look. You were confused with the silent conversation but was happy when it seemed resolved by Hux's eye roll. Hux mumbled out insults about ‘not learning’ before returning to discussions on their plans.

So that was your lunch break, you made sure to ignore the looks directed to you by Poe and his gang. You accidentally met his eyes once as he looked at you with a furrowed brow. However, you were quick to avert your gaze.

Halfway during lunch, an intimidating looking girl joined your table. She was tall, like everyone seemed to be at the school, and muscular with cropped short blonde hair. She gave off the vibe that she would break off your fingers if you crossed her and you were immediately awed and scared.

“Phasma”

She nodded at Hux’s impersonal greeting.

_ Geez, this was their first day of school and they all acted like coworkers. _

You felt a surge of pity for this group. Your online friends bombarded each other with virtual hugs every time you talked, and in the movies everyone seems so incredibly supportive of each other however with this lot they acted so impersonal.

“Who's this?”

You snapped out of your musing by her voice, it was smooth and strong, commanding your attention.

“Ben’s new pet” Hux snickered, silencing his laugh into his napkin at Ben’s venomous snarl.

You gulped, okay yes this wasn’t like movies but it will do.

“Where were you?” Ben questioned in his version of politeness.

“Dealing with some,” she paused looking at your eager eyes ( _ you wanted to look like her when you grew up _ ), “business.”

It sounded a bit ominous. However, you just met so you understood that you wouldn't be apart of inside jokes just yet. You were sure that you would be resolved soon enough.

Ben nodded his head as they shared a silent conversation.

Phasma suddenly looked at you, evaluating you with the same calculative look Hux did just moments ago.

_ Your new friends had a preference for strong eye contact you noted. _

It felt as if she was doing the same assessment over your whole being Ben had in the past. When she stopped at your bright pink backpack sitting innocuously at your side you flushed. You remembered Hux’s words about the thing and felt a little protective over it. Ben at least had the decency not to comment on it. You slide it to your lap and away from view and her raised eyebrow.

However, you decided you liked her much better than Hux as she chose to be quiet and even said hello to you. She was noticeably more polite than her neighbor who still had yet to ask for your name. Phasma did and even nodded her head all well-mannered like.

Her kindness triggered your blabbering much to your disgrace.

She at least tolerated it, giving Ben a dubious glance. You didn’t see his expression too busy explaining to her the reason why Dolphins are actually a government conspiracy (you had the pamphlet to prove it) but whatever she saw in his expression had her sigh and shake her head as she returned her attention back to you.

That was how the rest of the lunch went, overall success in your opinion. You learned about Ben, stood up for yourself, and made a new friend in Phasma. She even engaged in your chatter. Sure it was formal and cordial, however, it was more than Ben had and a whole lot more than Hux had.

You left the lunch feeling more hopeful about this school. However, seeing the look on Poe’s face as you trailed behind the trio made you pause. Seeing the look on his friend’s face had you pale.

But you wouldn't let a bunch of bullies deter you. You gave a glare at the duo that they looked a bit shocked at it (much to your pleasure) and continued your path.

You were surprised to see Ben waiting for you by the doors, that silent interaction lasted longer than you thought. You opened your mouth to apologize however you were shocked to see the smirk on Ben’s face. It was the most receptive look you received so far from your friend.

Smiling back widely you followed him with a bounce in your step.

Yes, it was pretty successful, to say the least.

\----

Phasma only shared one class with you after that, sitting beside Hux while you took your position beside Ben. It was comforting to know you were quickly being inundated into the group. Sadly, it seemed you were forced back into being silent as they discussed their 'plans'. Not seeing the need to include you. You didn't want a repeat of calculus and sully your blossoming friendship and spent your time doodling during their chats not letting it bother you too much.

You noticed it was different when it was just you and Ben. During your last class in which Hux and Phasma were not present, another big accomplishment was had. You weren't too saddened out about the red head's absence, you could handle snide comments for so long you know, but you were worried about having to be alone with Ben. So far you didn’t get another chance to talk to Ben since that morning and didn't know how it would go.

Here's how it went:

It was finally physics and  _ he _ told you he enjoyed physics. It was out of nowhere. You were a little too afraid to talk first. You felt awkward and unsure seeing how you weren’t allowed to join in his discussions with Hux. It became so unbearable that you were worried that maybe he really didn’t like you at all. That maybe it wasn’t just his past but you that made him not want to talk.

However, like he heard your concerns or maybe hated the stifling silence as well, he initiated the conversation. You were fidgeting in your seat despite trying not too, biting your lips to keep from blabbering when he made the admission out of the blue. It felt like the final affirmation that you needed, that you two were  _ indeed _ friends.

Suddenly, as with Phasma, you couldn’t stop your mouth. You were rambling all about physics as if to prove to your silent companion of your shared interests. It was impressive how many words were spoken into those short minutes. You were a bit worried that maybe you weren’t giving him time to insert his own opinions or that you were annoying him but he actually seemed to be listening. He was watching you with an intense focus, even nodding his head when you discussed your engineering projects.

And if that wasn’t good enough he asked you about your robotic background. You could have sworn something flashed behind his eyes when you answered in the affirmative. He seemed pleased when you explained you were in the school’s scientific scholarship. He appeared almost weirdly satisfied in a way, learning about the school canceling its creative arts scholarship. You felt pretty bummed about it yourself, feeling sorry for the underprivileged kids whose talent wouldn’t be recognized and told him as such but Ben’s expression was a little out of place to be quite honest.

Nonetheless, this was an unscheduled development and on the first day too! He endured your inane blabbering as you continued on, and even with his sporadic commands scattered about (he really hated poor posture), it felt like the closest ‘friendship’-like conversation you had with him.

By the end of class when you followed him out of school you felt so hopeful and happy that your day wasn’t a complete disaster you couldn't help but hug him tightly. He squawked at the sudden action which made you feel horrible. You came from a background of huggers and told him as such, but he seemed to accept your apologies well enough as he didn’t even glare at you. Just do that unreadable stare as his cheeks turned a soft pink.

He even walked you to the nearby train station down the street letting you fill the walk with never-ending talking. You were even able to ask him questions all about himself  _ and _ he even answered!

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No"

"Do you have any pets"

"No"

"Do you want any pets?"

"No"

"You sure? If you could pick a pet out of all pets what would you pick"

"..."

"A dog"

"Oh, what type of dog? You know the type of dog really ...."

"..."

"Do you have a favorite movie?"

"No"

"Oh, you're a reader type. That's pretty impressive you know there was a study all about your lot in which ...."

“...”

“What’s your favorite book?”

“A Clockwork Orange”

”ooooh! I love that book it’s great and oh gosh that part ...”

"..."

"Do you have a favorite color?"

"No"

"Everyone has a favorite color! Well not everyone but you know you might have a preference for a color..."

"Black."

It went like that and while it wasn't the most fluid of conversations you felt like it was such an accomplishment and a huge step in the right direction.

People watched you two with too much fascination that it made you uncomfortable. However, Ben was a very tall bloke and was able to unknowingly act as a shield for most of it.

So overall it was a very pleasant walk.

As you boarded the train you cheerily met his eerily focused eyes. You even found yourself warming up to his uncomfortably strong eye contact!

_ And _ as if to wrap it up in a bow  _ he _ said bye first. He nodded his head and promised to see you tomorrow. If anyone else had said that to you with the same look in their eyes, you would think it was a forbidding threat. However, as you returned his gaze with a big smile you knew it was just one of Ben’s quirks, something you would get used to soon enough.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just want to warn you all once more that you will be very niave and too hopeful in this tale. Not spoiling too much but you will not realize that Ben see's you as a replacement rey than as a person in the beginning. I hope it is easy to catch I am trying to hint at it but I am terrible writer! I hope Hux or Ben aren't OOC. I feel like in school Hux would be a draco malfoy of sorts and wouldnt care for Ben's tantrums. 
> 
> I appreciate the comments and the kudos its so incredibly sweet! Thank you so much everyone and I hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day after school. Insights into your life and oh no its Jab!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: child abuse. 
> 
> Skip ahead to next chapter if you want! That will have Kylo in it!

The ride home was a long hour and 15 minutes that was much different from your usual five-minute commute from school. It was both boring and relaxing as you watched the scenery pass by through the cold train window. There was a fascinating, if not disturbing, transition from the upper-class neighborhoods to the impoverished streets you called your home. It affirmed your unspoken promise to your family that  _ one _ day they wouldn't be the last stop.

After finishing the small amount of your assigned homework, you began to ruminate on the day’s events.

You were so afraid your day would end with you riding home a blubbering mess after suffering constant ridicule or maybe even being kicked out. However, you did not expect to secure yourself a group of two friends and one potential friend. Maybe Hux would be more inclined to accept you if you brought in your mom’s brownies. No one could deny the deliciousness of that ancient recipe. It was exhilarating that you actually now had people to invite to sleepovers,  _ would Ben let you paint his nails? Maybe if the polish was black. _

You thought about your new peers, hurt by their less than enthusiastic reception. You felt second-hand anger towards Poe, unease about his friend’s concerned eyes, apprehensive about Hux’s particular ‘charm’, admiration towards Phasma’s physique, charmed by Of G-Dog and Tarmin undoubtedly beautiful future wedding, and eventually absolutely puzzled by your newest friend Benjamin.

He was  _ peculiar _ . Definitely, the sternest friend you ever had, but it did feel oddly accomplishing being able to gain a friendship with someone so closed off. Plus, he was nice, in his own way. Really intelligent you could gather. A focused student for sure, not even doodling on his syllabus. And even outside of lectures that intensity remained ever-present. He definitely had a preference for strong eye contact, it felt like he was reading your mind with it. He was confident, possessing an attitude of power that you envied. And, you blushed despite your best efforts, he wasn't too bad on the eyes. His strong piercing features and tall imposing frame reminded you of a gothic romance lead.

However, the more you thought about your new friend, the more you could feel the righteous anger course through you. You knew some of his personality was just his deposition, but after hearing Hux’s giddy gossip, you learned that some if was a result of  _ vicious _ bullying.

Being home schooled you never encountered such Bullying, just fear that Aunt Glendora would tell your mom if you didn’t do your homework. Based on your mum’s description about her time at school, the bullying was kept to a minimum. It wasn’t as rampant, seeing how too many kids had too much going on in their home lives to do such nonsense. There was physical violence at the school, of course, but it was mostly related to gang activity. Which was scary and incredibly disheartening but luckily being aggressively tackled by the administration. A majority of the teachers came from the neighborhood and remained so passionate, despite the limited resources, to ensure that no students fell behind the cracks. You hoped that maybe the movies and shows were incorrect and you would have your mom’s experience.

You couldn't see any of that camaraderie at Coruscant. You didn't get enough time to get to know your professors, only G-Dog and Tarmin stood out, but the  _ students _ definitely made it clear how they felt about newcomers. There was such direct antagonism in the air. The school was so elite and small that it felt inescapable. Plus, why would you shove people into lockers? Maybe they were so rich that they had to resort to such bullying to ease their boredom. The abuse that Hux narrated was outrageous! It felt like the students at this school just wanted to emulate every single bullying cliche. Lockers, wedgies, swirlies, even things you never even heard of!

Maybe it was just your first day, you hoped. You only got to see a small part of the school and you didn’t even try to get to know your new class all that well. You were sure to find normal kids or even the other outsiders. However, after seeing how everyone directed their anger towards Ben made you worried that maybe he and his two pals were the only outsiders.

It was a troubling thought, making you empathize with him for having to go through so much.

You jumped at your stop, stashing away your musings as you quickly rushed to join the crowd and make the trek home.

The streets were bustling at this time of day: people returning home from work, running about to get last-minute groceries for dinner, or just enjoying the lingering summer air. At once, surrounded by your familiar landscape, you felt secure and in your element.

It was so different from the immaculate neighborhoods surrounding Coruscant. Gosh, you didn’t realize how much you missed friendly smiles after only a few hours.

You passed the block’s school, watching with familar envy as the students laughed and loitered about. You wished your school was like that. You tried picturing pushing Ben, Phasma, and even Hux on the swings but worried that maybe Ben’s long legs would get stuck in the chains. However he was no doubt incredibly strong, you could probably reach the moon if he pushed you. The thought alone made you smile hopefully as you watched the kids, impatiently waiting for your turn to do that. 

Shaking your head to force away your wistful thoughts you jumped into action seeing your watch. You only had a few minutes left to make it in time, your neighbor was waiting for you. She was too kind to complain about caring for the rugrats for longer than planned but your mom only asked her to watch them for an hour and a half while you made the commute home. You couldn’t take advantage of her grandmotherly kindness.

You began running to your apartment building in order to make it in time. Giving quick waves to those who called out your name as you passed. You could hear the inquiries about your first day from a few of the vendors but only managed short, if not out of breath, responses as you made your journey.

When you finally arrived home, and with five minutes to spare, you held onto your knees wheezing.  _ You really needed to get into shape. _

“Oi look who's looking all posh and shit”

 

Looking up from your knees you couldn’t refrain from frowning deeply seeing the tub of slime that was Jab.

 

He looked like he sheened sweat as he whistled from the stoop, a malicious smirk on his bald face. 

 

“What are you doing here?” You wished your voice was harsher, but you excused it on being out of breath and not the pang of fear that jolted you into upright position.

 

He placed his hip casually on the banister, you choose to look at the fat peeking from the open space and not his smug cruel face.

 

“Your mum told me to check on the little ones. Silly bint forgot she already got that old hag to watch them” he watched you with a cruel focus in his immaculate suit.

 

How your mother thought that this disgusting slime ball was worth her time was something that continues to perplex you.

 

She told you once that when she met he was a skinny scabby legged kid whose dreams inspired her. How he managed to become a walking tub of slime was his marker of how far he came you guessed. Maybe he wanted to see how big he made it when he looked down at how  _ big _ he became.

 

You hoped that you never inherit his baldness as he already cursed you with pudginess.

 

“Oi!”

 

You jumped at his sudden bark, cursing your instinctual reaction. 

 

“Guess they didn’t take you in for your brains huh kid. What? Did your ma do some favors with the principle or something to get you in?”

 

_ You hated him. You hated him. You hated him. _

 

Clenching your fist you stared at his missing chin, desperately wish your mother could see  _ this _ side of him. Not the ‘smooth’ casanova who always knew how to apologize but the asshole who would gleefully insult her to their kid. Both of you knew that you would never repeat the insults or pain he inflicts, you couldn’t break her heart like he does.

 

“Oh maybe it was me huh? Maybe it was my money that go you in” You met his eyes horrified. No, he  _ wouldn’t _ . You couldn’t have gotten in because of him.

 

“Yea, maybe it was your dear old pop huh?”

 

He loved to hurt you. Remind you of your worthlessness. You  _ knew _ how proud you were when you reluctantly told him of your admittance. 

 

“I-I got in by scholarship. T-t-they told m-m-me so” you managed watching his much too big fists.

 

Even the reassuring sounds of your neighborhood couldn’t comfort you in his overwhelming presence.

 

“Well it definitely wasn’t your public speaking skills that got you in love”

 

You remained silent knowing what would happen if you talked back.

 

He continued to insult you and your family, a family he helped create, a fact he seems to ignore. It was hard to focus on his words as were so worried that him and his blood money got you admitted. He was an utter bastard you cursed. He loved to take everything in your life and sully it in his dirty hands. Your mother, your home, even your rugrats looked up to him.

 

It felt like no one but you ever saw his true self. 

 

It made you feel so alone, so angry, standing there on the porch. You refused to allow him to ruin your accomplishment, it was something he wouldn’t be able to take away from you. He took everything else, but not this.

 

Summoning your courage, you called back to your practice with Ben,  _ guess you would have to use it sooner than later. _

 

“I-I got in because of me. Not you” seeing his eyes widen a fraction bolstered you, “y-you didn’t help me or anyone.“

 

Seeing his surprise made something in you feel so powerful, puffing up your chest you gave him a matching glare. “You are just-“

 

If Ben was able to listen maybe-

 

Your cheek stung as you watched his retreating back.

 

The silence after the slap left you both standing unsure at this new stage. His hand faltered, and you could have sworn you saw something in his eyes, maybe guilt, maybe pain, maybe more. It was things you couldn’t care to analyze feeling too hollow to think. 

 

However hearing a distant honk seem to shake him out of his uncharacteristic silence as he straightened out his sit and whatever you thought you saw in his eyes changed back into a familiar coldness.

 

He left, after saying something along the lines of you always being ungrateful and how it was your fault. You found yourself unable to digest his words, still reeling from this new development. Whatever apprehension he showed was gone as he walked away with such a swagger in his step like he knew nothing would happen. Because nothing would.

 

You gratefully watched him strut down the street making people shudder as he passed, relieved to be alone once more. The one bad thing about your neighborhood was that violence was too common to be disgusted by. Plus, everyone knew Jab and wouldn’t dare intervene.

 

You ignored the looks of pity you received from passersby strangers walking on the street as you trudge up the steps. Luckily no one you or your mother talked to saw it, you didn’t know if you couldn't handle anymore shame.

 

The stinging in your cheek shocked you, he would rather have his ‘parental actions’ be limited to words or the occasional ‘accidental’ shove. He also tended to keep his particular displeasure of your ‘ungrateful’ disposition be discussed behind closed doors from your neighbors and mother’s attention. He was becoming reckless or arrogant, you didn’t want to decide. You and him both knew that you wouldn’t tell.

 

She was too caught up in this hazy daydream at Jab’s sudden return. Sure it was still sporadic visits, but it was longer than he had in the past and the presents, you chucked that expensive garbage the first chance you got, made it appear he was finally becoming the responsible parent she hoped he would be.

 

He would mention it enough to you in private that it must be true. If you were more successful, work harder in your tips your mother would never have to suffer as much and resort to that scumbag for anything.

 

Maybe it was your refusal to accept him that made him target you so much these past few months. Maybe it was because you were weak and pathetic and he saw that. 

 

Everyone else seemed to like him, or respect him enough to let him back into their lives.

 

The tears came unwillingly and you despised yourself as much as your despised him.  

It lasted for much too long as you hid underneath the stairs and muffled your pathetic sobs into your fists. After you were calm enough to stop your blubbering you breathed in deeply, wiped away the tears and marched up the stairs.

Finally reaching your apartment you tried to remind yourself on your overall successful day instead of your stinging cheek. He wouldn’t take that hope from you, you wouldn’t allow it.

Of course, when confronted by the painfully warm eyes of Ms. Coeforr, all your intentions were pointless as you quickly crumbled into a ball of tears. She quickly enveloped you in a secure embrace. Her hug was so strong and her face was so protective that you knew she would no doubt go head to head with Jab if you told her.

But as strong as her embrace was, there was still the tremors of her age present, and as protective as her expression was, there was no mistaking her deep wrinkles. She would confront him and he would kill her, you were certain.

“Oh Dearie, was it that bad? I told your mum you should stay home-schooled but Glendora insisted on this scholarship rubbage” her familiar husky voice broke you out of your thoughts.

Instead of responding you just nestled in closer into her frail body letting the comforting smell of cigarettes and Earl grey waft into your nose.

She rubbed your back and thankfully didn’t ask any more questions, only providing you a cup of tea and ice for your cheek as you were suddenly bombarded by two plushy little balls of energy.

Brycleon and Jarrett were practically identical with the same pudgy cheeks, dimples, and almond eyes. They even had the same adorable droopy ears that peaked out of their long brown hair that they refused to cut. Ms. Coeforr was teaching them to braid hair, reliving her old hairdressing days, and they found such pleasure practicing their new techniques on each other. The results were, of course, sloppy and half hazard braids but they would still proudly show it off to anyone who would listen. It made you want to smother their faces in kisses.

It would be almost impossible to tell them apart at first glance but the differences were there, a slightly different space between their eyes, a wider nose, a larger forehead. But it was their dispositions that truly set them apart, already at the age of five years old, they had carved out their own personalities. Brycleon being more outgoing to Jarret's five-year-old introvertism.

Jarrett clung to your side, hiding his head into your plushy middle. How they were already becoming so tall surprised you, it seemed they would luckily only inherit Jab’s impressive height. You snatched up a beaming Brycleon enjoying his giggles as you turned him upside down. They were both  eagerly reciting their seemingly successful first day of school, thrilled about being around kids their own age.

“-And then we learned about math! Jarrett was so much smarter than all the other kids! he knew all the answers to all the questions!!”

He looked so proud and happy that it made you kiss his squealing face.

“Oh really?”

Placing Brycleon down you squatted down to a red-faced Jarret, “good job buddy”

“Brycleon was better at drawing circles than all the other kids,” he mumbled giving a nodding Brycleon a sweet smile.

“You were!” you stared at the two boys with such pride and happiness it hurt, “well don’t I have the most talented little brothers in all the world!”

“Yes, you do. You are certainly the luckiest sister in the world” Brycleon looked so proud of his big words it made you want to coo.

However, you had the more pressing matter of chasing after their laughing forms around the apartment as they giggled madly.

Mrs. Coeforr watched with a loving smile but when it was settled she gave you a lingering stare a rubbed your back.

“You want me to kill the bastards?”

You chuckled but quickly gulped when seeing her stern expression, “U-uh no it's okay. Just the first day is all”

She looked dubious but nodded, giving the rugrats two big hugs.

Declining your offer for dinner she talked about having to ‘take care of some business’, you hoped she wasn’t heading to Coruscant to ‘take care’ of random students.

Closing the door with a sigh you felt the weariness of the day, however, when you felt the bodies of Brycleon and Jarrett looking at you with confusion you put up your brave face, picked up the squealing monsters, and roared.

\------------

After they were worn out from playing monster, or more correctly  _ you _ were too tired to lift them up anymore, you began getting settled into the comforts of home.

With the low sounds of the TV playing a random cartoon show, they colored on the counter recounting their first day, not missing a single detail. Your heart swelled with pride as you let yourself bask in the peaceful moment.

The routine was in place, setting up the table up, getting them to wash their hands, inspecting their palms, and serving the day's dinner. It felt as if nothing has changed, if you ignored the stinging in your cheek, you could almost believe it. Being the observant bunch they asked about it but quickly bought your cover story, however, Jarrett did stare at it for longer than you liked. It was quickly forgotten when Brycleon began to cheerfully describe all their new friends. Jarrett eventually provided soft contributions much to your relief. You barely got a word in, not that you wanted too, relishing in how bright their faces became the more they talked.

“And daddy came to see us today too!”

Brycelon became so utterly thrilled reporting the tiniest of details in Jab’s surprise visit. Proudly boasting how Jab gave two five-year-olds a hundred dollars, another example of Jab’s outstanding parental skills.

But instead of voicing your distaste, they deserved to love their daddy, you shoved another serving of spaghetti in your mouth. You frowned with your mouth full of pasta seeing the solemn expression on Jarrett's face. But as quick as it was there it was gone when Brycelon began talking about the new songs they learned, loudly singing them with sauce smeared all over his cheeks. Jarret eventually joined in and you hoped it was just the pasta that caused the young boy's face to sour like that.

When it was all finished, after helping them with any assignments, a late-night snack, some more playtime, brushing their teeth, and giving them baths, you got them tucked into bed. You kissed their cherub faces hoping they would stay this little forever but also impatient to see the strong men they would become.

Brycleon was already passed out after only five seconds of rubbing his back. You gave him a last kiss on his forehead and moved to the bottom bunk to help Jarrett, you caressed his soft cheek singing off-key lullabies. When it seemed like he was finally asleep you leaned down to press a peck his forehead, however, his soft voice stopped you.

“When is mommy coming home?”

It was a small peep, so sweet as it was so easy to strike a pang of melancholy in your heart. You were lucky the night light only illuminated so far as he wasn’t able to see your frown.

“She has a double shift tonight pipsqueak”, caressing his fleshy cheek you wanted to smooth out the much too serious pout on his face.

“She works a lot” it was such a shy comment, too afraid to voice much too adult feelings circulating his young mind. You knew how he felt, it was something you felt a lot growing up.

You berated yourself, maybe if you worked harder he wouldn’t notice her absence. Maybe if you earned more she wouldn’t have to work as hard.

“She works a lot because she has too, sweetheart. Because she loves us” you wish you could have him understand the sacrifices your mother was making for the family. You wished he wouldn't have to understand at all.

He nodded, the furrow in his brow was unfitting for his age.

There was a pause, biting your lip you desperately wanted to know what to say.

“Daddy says mommy won't have to work at all. That he’ll take care of us.”

You hoped the twitch in your hand wasn't noticeable as you recoiled. It wasn’t Jarrett's fault and you hated yourself for causing his deepening frown. His intelligent eyes shined in the light, it felt too much like Ben’s, like he was able to see into your mind.

Placing your palms on your lap you tried to keep your voice cheery, “Oh?”

“He said today that we’ll move in with him soon”

The possibilities, the constant paranoia, your heart began to pound.

_ No, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no. _

“I was really happy but then when I was watching him leave through the window I," silence

_ No, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no. _

"I saw daddy hit you.”

“No.”

Jarret didn’t hear you, continuing on, you could feel his small body sit up close to you,

“Bry didn’t see it, he was watching the telly but I saw it. I- I sometimes see Daddy do mean things. He- he,” Jarret paused, his voice so low and fearful almost like he was afraid Daddy would hear, you hated yourself for being unable to comfort the young boy. You were stuck in place, panic in your bones, “he says mean things about you and mommy sometimes. He was on the phone last week and said no-no words. Then before he left I saw him push you real hard into the lamp”

You remembered that night, the alcohol in his breath, your 'lack of respect', the sudden crash of the lamp on the floor, the lies you told, the smile he gave, the bruise on your back.

“Why did you lie?”

You knew Jarrett didn’t intend for it comes off as an accusation but it felt like he was wrenching out your heart with each word. You met his owlish eyes peering so intensely into yours, you felt revulsion at yourself for looking away.

Brycleon’s deep snores cut through the stifling silence. You tried to trace the carpet's pattern in that dim room loathing yourself with each passing moment, “I-I’m sorry”

It was hoarse in your throat, you glanced at your little brother hovering near you like you were the stray cat down the block. He was so perceptive, so sweet, so  _ young _ .

You despised Jab for making this happen. You despised yourself for letting this happen.

“H-he didn’t it was just for play and-and on the stairs it was just-just a little rough-housing. N-nothing serious sweetie”

You hated yourself for not knowing what to say. You hated yourself for lying. You hated yourself for defending Jab. You hated yourself for causing this. You hated yourself for making Jarrett 's image of Daddy tainted. You hated yourself for causing Jab’s ire. You hated yourself for never doing the right thing. You hated yourself for defending yourself on the steps. You hated yourself for not thinking of the window. You hated yourself for being so stupid.

You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You hated yourself. You-

“Daddy scares me sometimes”

Even in the low light, you could see the conflict on his young face, looking almost terrified of his admission.

You embraced Jarrett without thought, wanting to protect him from all of this.

“I love Daddy and miss him but sometimes he makes really mean faces and I-I don’t like it”

Your hands tightened, hiding your face in his hair as if it would protect yourself from this.

“I-I love Daddy though I just didn’t like him doing that”

You gulped, wishing your hands were around Jab’s throat.

“Hey, little guy. Look at me,” meeting your eyes, you could read his emotions on his face. Much too adult emotions on his five-year-old face. “I don’t like when Daddy does that too. H-he sometimes forgets to be a Daddy to me and Mommy but,” you wish you knew what to say.  _ Why couldn’t you know what to say? _ “He loves you and Mommy never forget that. He loves you guys so much and he wouldn’t do that to you okay. He wants to be a good Daddy and he loves you” He nodded after a moment.

It wasn’t the explanation that he deserved, it was a shit explanation and you knew it. You felt like he knew it too and it gutted you to see the unresolved worry etched onto his face. He shouldn't have to deal with this, why did he have to deal with this?

“But what about you?” he looked so innocent, so sad, so  _ young _ .

“Daddy loves me too.”

It tasted like ash in your mouth. You prayed with all your might that your face remained firm.

Jarrett didn't look settled, you panicked.

“I-I’ll talk to Daddy, tell him not to do those things anymore.”

The hopeful look in his eyes was so beautiful that you ignored the fear at that dreadful conversation.

“He’ll listen?”

“Of course!” you brushed his silky locks in your figures, not letting your eyes meet, knowing you weren't able to fake any more lies. “Don’t be silly, Daddy loves us. He just didn’t know it hurts my feeling is all. He just forgets that I’m his kid and sees me as his grown-up workers I guess”

He nodded his head in understanding at your horrid excuse, “you’ll remind him?”

“Of course, anything for you”

Jarrett gave you a wide gap-tooth smile that lit up his whole face. It was able to reprieve the turmoil in your head.

As if all of his concerns had disappeared, he began to talk excitedly for a few moments about Jab’s promises. Vacations, toys, mansions, family outings that you knew wouldn’t happen. Or more likely, miserly hoped, wouldn’t happen.

Unable to speak, all you could muster up were half-hearted smiles and hums as you rubbed his belly until he gratefully drifted off. A happy smile on his serene face made the riot in your belly worth it.

You closed the door, leaving a small opening for the hallway light to enter. Watching their peaceful forms, you tried to focus on the pleasure at seeing them safe and content but the thoughts wouldn’t let you go.

It felt like trying to contain a tornado into a box. The words repeating on endless mantra in your head. The hatred seeping out into every pore. The fear catching every breath.

It was too much and yet you walked into the living room. Eyes dead to the world as you performed your night time chores.

You tidied up the couch, put the toys away, cleared up the drawings, placed them onto the wall, turned off the tv, closed the windows, scrub the counter, put out the mouse traps, clean the dishes, put the dishes away, set up a plate for mum, put it in the fridge with a note, ate chips, iced your cheek, took a shower, washed your face, brush your teeth, messaged goodnight to your online friends and promised to talk the next day, laid out your uniform, pull up the -

You collapsed onto the bed. The sob came from you with a force, you felt so weak unable to contain it as you curled up into a fetal position and tried to your best abilities muffle it into your pillow.

Everything that occurred that day seemed to rip out of you. You were pathetic. You were-

As quick as it came, it stopped.

You heard the sound of a door open, the keys clinking into the dish, the creeks of the floorboards, the door softly opening. Immediately wiping your face, you hid under your sheets.

Your mother whispered your name into the room, you increased the sounds of your snores, not able to handle her painfully kind face.

She sighed wearily, making you hate yourself even more for being so selfish. The bed creaked with the pressure of her sitting next to you. Her calloused fingers massaged your head making you sigh in relief, she always knew what to do without even knowing.

“It's okay sweetie you can go back to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow morning love” she murmured knowingly at your awake form, you could envision her soft yet tired smile.

Rubbing your back she sang the lullabies from your youth, you didn’t realize you fell asleep until you awoke the next morning.

The last thought you had was utter regret at standing up to Jab this afternoon, you never should have done that.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too boring! I hope I didn't offend anyone with reader's reactions to the abuse, I hoped it to be realistic. So if it doesn't come off realistic or offended you, I truly apologize. I will be sure to take your critiques in stride and edit it!
> 
> I promise next chapter will be full of Kylo yumminess I promise!
> 
> Also wow guys thanks for the comments and the kudos! I hope this chapter doesn't let you down! I will be sure to update as soon as possible!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait, life got in the way but I am back! Thank you so much for the love I was so surprised and honored! Also I am so sorry for any typos I will be sure to fix them. Also I promise Kylo in the next chapter!! It is so much harder to write without him in the chapter so be prepared for a whole bunch of kylo goodness!

Blinking your crusty eyes you yawned. You smack your dried lips and grimaced, yup, you needed to brush your teeth soon.

Your back cracked satisfactorily as you slumped lazily off the bed. However, you didn’t quite make it to your desired destination as you somehow you found yourself tangled in your sheets your mouth muffled in your fuzzy carpet.

“Pookie?”

You groaned, batting away the hands in your knotted hair. The assault was unrelenting, forcing a reluctant groan as you peeked up from your cocoon making out the concerned loving smile of your mother.

“Up, up, up, up!”

At once she snatched your blanket making you squawk in alarm, frailing about to find warmth. You glared at her cheerful laugh as she meticulously folded up your blanket in no time and placed it carefully on the bed and out of reach.

You muttered into the fuzzy carpet, calculating how many minutes you would be able to snooze before she noticed.

“Don’t make me get the boys”

At the warning, you jumped into the joint bathroom, cursing her gleeful snicker. She was a cruel, cruel, cruel woman.

You sighed deeply as you reached for your toothbrush. With a fleeting glance at the mirror, you stopped.

_ Oh no. _

There, on your cheek was a mirage of black and blue, vivid and vicious.

You poked it experimentally, wincing at the sudden pain it caused.

Suddenly everything from the day before came back in a flash.

_ Shit. _

“Breakfast!”

Jumping in place, you dropped your hand and sighed wearily, wishing you could just go back to sleep once more. Maybe for ten years.

_ Okay one thing at a time. _

Nodding your head you brushed your teeth, taking extra time to get your molars to prolong the inevitable. You brushed until your hand got tired, eyes never leaving the painful mark on your cheek.

“Oh mum I just fell … on the way home … on a banana … peel”

_ Yup, that was convincing. _

“Pookie?”

You yelped, only making her knocks more insistent, “what's wrong honey?”

“Oh, n-nothing”

_ Shit. shit. Shit. shit. Shit. shit. _

“You’ve been in there for while honey”

Rummaging in the drawers for her makeup you cursed at the clatter it caused when the foundation made a loud plop into the toilet.

_ Ew. _

Nonetheless, you cleaned it off and smeared the non-matching makeup to desperately cover the stark bruise.

It hurt but was necessary and after a blissful moment where you thought it was all fine and dandy, you looked at your reflection.  _ Oh, boy did it not match. _ Wide frightened eyes singled out the ill-covered bruise ominously peeking out behind layers of too pale foundation. Half your face looked as if it never saw the sun, which led you to cover your whole face in the guck. When you dared to look at your face, yup, it wasn't a pretty sight.

_ Why didn’t you ever take your mom's offer to shop for makeup? _

She timidly knocked on the door bringing you out of your panic.

“Oh, no does your tummy hurt?”

“N-no uh wait yes! It does! Real bad I just need a moment!”

“Oh, no sweetheart do you need to stay home?”

_ Well, that could be promising …  _

“I can call you in sick honey,” her trust made you pause, you wanted to desperately say yes but, you sighed deeply, your morals made you say,

“No mum, I’m fine.”

Trying to add blush made you resemble a clown, which did hide the bruise, but not in the way we're hoping it would.

Sighing tiredly, it was time to face the music. You hesitantly, carefully, with the utmost reluctance possible opened the door and closed your eyes.

“Oh sweetheart”

He coo made you hide your face in shame.

“Why does your face look like that?”

You groaned at Brycelon innocent inquiry.

“Hush sweetums go eat your breakfast with Mrs. Coeforr. Pookie and I are going to have a little girls time.”

He reluctantly went to the kitchen counter muttering about ‘how he never gets to have any fun’, long braid swaying down his back.

“Mrs. Coeforr is here?” you probed hoping to change the topic.

She didn’t take your bait.

“Yup, yup, she wanted to see you off however we have more pressing matters at hand. Okay, I am only saying this because I love you but you look like um well a lady of the night my dear. Not like there is anything wrong with that! I am so happy you're expressing yourself and I, of course, think it's fine but I feel like for school it might not be appropriate, however-”

“Mum it's fine”

You stopped her waving hands, as she endearingly smiled at you in relief. Nodding her head she determinedly walked to the counter. Holding you by your shoulders and gracefully maneuvered you to sit on the toilet as she delicately placed all of her beauty products on the counter.

“Okay, first we need to start with a clean pallet!” She seemed so excited as she reached about her tools that you didn’t process what was happening until it was too late.

Before you could protest she quickly began scrubbing your face with practice, her tongue sticking out. You dreadfully counted the seconds until  _ it _ would be revealed.

“Soooooo, is this for someone special?”

She chuckled at your sputtering with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

“N-no!”

“Oh so  _ now _ you want to use my makeup at the same time you just so happen to be going to a new school with new romantic prospects”

The wriggle of her eyebrow made you groan.

“Nooooooooo mum.”

“Oh! Did I forget to ask how was it? I am so sorry honey that was so incredibly rude of me! Your first time at school around kids your own age you probably-”

“Its okay mum” you stopped her hand on your brow sharing a sweet smile, this closeup you could really see how pronounced her eye bags have become. After pulling another night shift three times in a row and having to come back to all her kids, you felt tired for her.

“I literally just woke up we didn’t have the time yet”

“But still-” you wanted to cast away that guilty expression her tired face.

“No buts” you used your best ‘stern’ voice causing a delighted snort, pleased you returned her wide-tooth smile.

“That’s my line silly.”

It was peaceful for that brief moment.

Then she wiped away your cheek.

“Oh!”

You paled.

“What happened?”

“I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-” your body shook without your consent as you stared intently at the tiled floor.

Her calloused finger lifted up your chin, her painfully concerned eyes captured yours and you couldn’t look away.

“Who did this to you.”

The anger in her voice caused you to flinch without meaning and you despised yourself for the utter look of horror and rage on her face.

_ Why did you have to stand up to Jab? Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut? Why- _

“Hey, sweetheart look at me”

After a long moment, you finally had the courage to do so. Immediately regretting your decision as her trusting face broke you. You wanted so desperately to tell but you  _ couldn’t _ .

She loved him. She was happy for the first time in so long. He was your father.

“I fell”

You winced at the disbelieving look on her face.

“Sweetheart-”

You were in panic mode.

“N-No no mom you  _ have _ to believe me I truly did fall! It was so embarrassing mom I- uh, well its a funny story see,” twiddling your thumbs you averted eye contact, “um, well I ah bumped into this guy, Ben, and well- you know he shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the hallway. But um anyway! We fell like this” you acted out the situation with your hands praying it would aid in your attempts, “and his- elbow went right into my cheek and well here we are!”

Your nervous chuckles didn’t provide you any favors.

“I know when your lying”

You flinched at her expression.

“Who did this?”

“No one!”

Your voice cracked, your heart was pounding, you couldn’t breathe.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell. You can’t tell.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell. You can’t tell.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell. You can’t tell.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell. You can’t tell.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell. You can’t tell.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell. You can’t tell.

You can’t tell. You c-

“Breath Pookie, breath”

Wheezing you looked up teary-eyed at the horrified look on your mother’s face.

“Tell me when you are ready okay” she soothed, running a calming hand through your hair.

“I fell,” your voice wasn’t your own. It was so soft and weak, just like it is with Jab. You hated it.

She sighed softly, “tell me when your ready sweetheart”

_ Shit. _

However, your mother, the saint she is, didn’t let you suffer too much longer as she quickly changed the topic to the calming discussions on Jarret and Brycelon.

She tenderly applied makeup, it felt like a deep tissue massage on your face, you really should have gotten into this stuff earlier.

“Soooo are there any cute boys?”

“Ugh, mom.”

You rolled your eyes as best as you can with her poking a pencil in it, “I’m kidding”

She chortled at your embarrassment.

“So how was it Pookie?”

“It was … interesting”

“Interesting. That's a very neutral term. It’s your first time at school sweetie, I’m sure it was more than interesting. How were the students?”

“They were … there.”

“Glad to hear it wasn’t abandoned,” her concern was apparent under her diluted laugh.

“I made a friend!”

Her pleased exclamation propelled you further.

“Yea! It was the boy I fell into um where I got- um yea anyway his name is Ben he is very ni- well very different. Very confident and cool and tall! And I met his friends Hux and Phasma! Phasma is sooooooo cool and her hairstyle is so sweet and she is so like badass and oh Hux well, he was very candid you know which is a good trait though I think I might need a batch of your famous brownies to win him over”

“Sweetie anybody you have to win over isn't worth any brownies,” your mother chided with a grin.

“He has nice hair? Very red”

“Oh well, maybe then he can get half a brownie then,” she smiled finishing up.

“I’ll give the rest to Ben and Phasma then. You would really like Ben he defended me against some mean people like when Hu-, someone called me some rude names” she opened her mouth but not wanting to cause any concern you continued frantically, “But Ben was all ‘never say that again’” you imitated in his very low voice causing a snort, “and he has this intensity about him I thought he would kill the bloke! I mean his eyes are so dark and mysterious and he walks so purposely he is like so cool!”

“You seem to really like this Ben boy”

Her knowing eyes made you turn beet red, you hope it wasn’t visible under the makeup.

“N-not like that mum! I just met him I just think - that I am very happy to have met him is all” you finished lamely, you did  _ not like _ him. You just met him and you couldn’t mess it up. 

“Sure, sweetheart”

You groaned and slumped in your spot at her winking.

Clapping her hands she hurriedly guided you to the mirror, gleefully jumping behind you.

_ Wow _ .

Your mother knew what she was doing.

She gave a dorky fist in the air in agreement at your proclamation, hugging you from behind and popping her head on your shoulder watching your perplexed reaction with a smug smile.

You could finally see the resemblance between the two of you. You always heard the comments growing up, but could never see it. Only being able to see the Jab’s chubby cheeks and large nose but with the two of you so close you could see  _ her _ . Your mother’s brows, her eyes, her lips, you almost looked like her. You looked,  “beautiful.”

“You  _ are _ beautiful silly.”

You rolled your eyes, “you have to say that.”

Shaking you happily, she quite literally shook you out of your stuppor. You gulped at her stern expression.

“You are beautiful. I just added some makeup but  _ you’re _ beautiful."

You didn’t know what to say, opting to just admire her hard work, smiling bigger than before you felt the sharp pang on your cheek making you remember why this all happened in the first place.

_ Jab always had a way to ruin everything, it made you hate him more. _

You examined the now seemingly unblemished cheek, fascinated and wishing it really was as unhurt as it appeared.

She followed your train of thought, her wide smile also dampening, “when your ready tell me okay. I will always be here.”

_ You hated Jab for soiling the peace. You hated yourself for causing it. _

However before you could ruin the moment any further, loud knocking caused both of you to jump.

“Oi, you both on the shitter or what?”

“Amelia!” your mother laughed aghast, giving an unsuccessful admonishing stare in your chortling direction.

You giggled behind your hands, enjoying the release of tension.

Leaving the bathroom, your mother tried to reprimand the perpetrator about such language but was similarly unsuccessful.

Mrs. Coeffor stopped you from following your mother into the kitchen, holding your face. Seeing the unblemished cheek, she gave a menacing frown.

“Want me to kill them?”

You would have laughed but the gravity in her face made you reconsider.

“N-no thank you Mrs. Coeffor. I fell”

“Right and I’m the Queen of England” she rolled her eyes, guiding you to the kitchen with a skinny arm around your back. You leaned your head onto her bony shoulder, letting the smell of cigarettes and tea calm you.

“Why does nobody believe me” you pouted gloomily.

“Maybe its because your nose twitches when you lie”

You gasped hiding said traitorous nose,  _ Jab really did have a tendency to ruin everything. Even his stupid bulbous nose worked to sully your day. _

“Also we aren’t idiots”

You sighed deeply, your hope that this would all pass was becoming more far fetched with each passing second.

“But don’t worry pet I got my plan in place,” you shivered at her ominous wink.

Making it in the kitchen you sat beside Brycelon and Jarret who were gleefully munching on sugary cartoon cereal with ravenous energy.

“Mum what's wrong with her face” Brycelon mumbled, milk soaking the ends of his hair.

“She’s wearing makeup” Jarret answered eating with grace even you didn’t possess at 10 years his senior.

“Why?” he licked his wet fingers with a popping sound, that you would have found adorable if not being afraid of your mother's response.

She shared a look with you that made you bite your lip with apprehension.

“She just wanted to try it out is all”

You gave her a grateful smile as she attempted to wipe up Brycelon’s face and hair, beaming at his giggles. Mrs. Coeffor watched the exchange with a heavy stare that you tried to ignore. Luckily Brycleon was great at unknowingly changing the topic, unaware of the tension in the room.

“Can I wear some?”

“Of course! But we are running a bit late love so after school me, you and Jarret can play around a bit with it”

“Really!” he practically jumped in his chair, long intricate braid flopping in the air.

“Yes really, but first go wash up in the loo.”

He hopped off with an infectious enthusiasm that made you smile without your consent.

“Finish up Jarret sweetheart”

Jarret nodded, shoveling cereal into his mouth until his cheeks resembled a chipmunks, much to your mother’s concern, “not that fast!”

You laughed giving the munching boy a kiss on his head, as you reached for the cereal. However, while pouring the milk you felt heaviness in your belly seeing your mum and Mrs. Coeffor gossiping in low tones and shooting glances in your direction as they washed the dishes. Wanting to distract your nerves, you opted to drown them in the sugary cereal with large crunching mouthfuls.

Your head was distracted with all the horrified possibilities of them finding out the truth that you almost missed Jarret’s soft whisper.

“Did you tell mummy?”

Milk snorted out of your nose as you gasped, choking on cereal that definitely went down the wrong pipe.

_ Shit. _

Luckily you were able to wave off your mum and Mrs. Coeffor’s concern and when you were finally able to breathe you looked down at your younger brother’s much too perceptive eyes.

_ How could you have forgotten about Jarret? _

It came rushing back with a pounding headache, would this morning ever end?

Your mother and Mrs. Coeffor were thankfully still gossiping as you met his eyes, still too observant for your comfort.

Sweating a bit you cleared your throat, “Yea I told mum in the loo.” You counted the floating cereal, not wanting him to see the lie in your eyes, “b-but don’t tell her okay she doesn’t want you to know. It's a grown-up discussion okay?”

You fearfully met his eyes, feeling like  _ you _ were the child. His cherub face hurt you, he shouldn’t have to deal with this.

Luckily something in your expression must have been believable because he eventually nodded his head satisfied. You were both happy and guilty that he bought it.

As if he knew of your turmoil, he looked at you with a much too serious expression, unsuited for his face, and held your hand, “I swear.”

You gulped giving him a fake smile, reverting back to your cereal with a shameful weight on your shoulders.

Wanting to just let this whole thing pass, you were successfully able to distract him by asking about his new class.

At once, he transferred back into his five-year-old self chattering about all they had planned to do today.

The rest of the morning passed smoothly, being forced to change into those uncomfortable school uniforms that highlighted every lumpy crevice of your body. You clutched the pink fluffball to your chest as your mother passed you and your brothers their lunches.

As you were about to leave you were stopped in your tracks by Mrs. Coeffor by the door, wearing a worn patched leather jacket and more notably holding a metal bat wrapped in chain metal, propped onto her shoulder. The jacket hung off her frail frame and the bat looked like it weighed more than her whole body, however, her confidence made her look  _ intimidating _ , to say the least.

“Um?”

Brycleon and Jarret quickly ran over to your neighbor trying to reach the club with grubby hands, however, what she said made them nod their heads and politely watch the bat with awe.

“Mrs. Coeffor wanted to see the school is all dear”

_ Yea, right. _

You told your mother as such and she just shrugged her shoulders and guided the four of you into Belba. As you walked beside your neighbor, inconspicuously strutting down the hall as if she wasn’t holding a murder weapon you admired the attire, hoping the stains on the metal chains was rust and not something else more unsavory.

"Is this the business?”

She winked, “some of it”

You wanted to be concerned but felt such immense love and gratitude. You hugged her tightly, feeling so lucky to be so protected.

She sighed, “don’t worry pet I won’t kill them. Just hurt them a bit”

You laughed, knowing she was serious, wishing it would happen but knew it never could. So you decided to live in this fantasy where you were bullied by some school kid and that your mum and Mrs. Coeffor could handle it. That everything was perfectly normal and would never change.

You sat contently in the car, tightly surrounded by everyone you loved. Brycelon and Jarret cozily snuggled beside you discussing their favorite cartoon to Mrs. Coeffor, who gave a loving smile relating it to some wacky adventures of her gang days (nonchalantly holding the bat in her lap). You met your mother’s beautifully hopeful smile feeling like maybe you could.

How quickly you were proven wrong.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the chapter is a little boring without Kylo! But he will be back with a vengeance next chapter!! It will go pretty quick from here on out I have a big plan for where this will go so get ready!! I just wanted to get some understanding on how you came to be plus I love Mrs. Coeffor


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected meeting between Ben and your neighbor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!! I am so incredibly sorry for taking such a long hiatus. I was kind of in a dark place with family and personal issues and lost my mojo but I have a plan for the stories and a destination so I think I will be able to update reguarly! I am so sorry for the long break and I really hope this chapter is good! I am working on the next one and dont worry there will be alot more of Ben goodness! Also if anyone is interested in Beta-ing I would so honored! After a long break my English is getting a little rusty but please let me know about any grammar issues and I will be sure to change it!
> 
> This chapter is a little short I wanted to make one as soon as possible but next one will be longer with more Ben goodness!! love you all <3 <3 <3

Turns out Mrs. Coeffor’s plan involved a whole gaggle of elderly ladies, sporting the same leather jackets, in a parade of motorcycles that trailed behind Belba.

It was quite a sight to say the least however, while safely hidden in the car, you felt so content and protected that it didn’t bother you none.

 

However, when you saw your grandiose prison, you gulped feeling uncomfortably vigilant of the spectators watching your unorthodox arrival.

 

Mrs. Coefor let out a low whistle at the sight of the glorious building, while Belba came to a painful sputtering stop. Brycelon and Jarret gaped excitedly, asking questions you numbly answered too preoccupied dreading the repercussions this utter spectacle that would cause.

 

Being new already made you painfully visible and after the lukewarm reception from the majority of your peers , you knew you didn’t need anymore unwanted attention.

 

Your family animated discussed matters your fearful mind hazily noted as you suddenly found yourself assaulted by hugs and kisses. You looked helplessly at your mother and siblings as they reluctantly drove away, with the smoke of Belba trailing behind. Turning to face your fears, you were left vulnerable to the vultures, their eyes felt like daggers piercing all of your flaws. Your saccharine backpack, your protruding belly, your smarting cheek. Maybe they could see it, maybe-

 

There was a small crowd of them loitering in front of the school, whispering and gossiping carefree. Comparably speaking it was a relatively small lot, with a steady stream of students idly going up the steps to start the day. However every eye felt heavier than the last, you could hardly remember to breath. A rational part of you try to focus on the unlikely probability of all of them noticing you. However as you caught the snickers of students who walked past before turning delthy white and running up the steps, and even catching some openly pointing in your direction, it felt like they were _all_ unashamedly staring at you. 

 

“You ready luv,” you squealed at Mrs. Coefor cigarette-worn voice.

 

“Y-you didn’t go with-” you question dumbly, wondering how you could lose such awareness of your surroundings.

 

“Nope love, Hatchet face is letting me bum a ride. we got important matters to attend too. Didn’t want the youngins to witness.”

 

You looked around you, not even realizing Mrs. Coeffor and her knitting club (previous gang member) friends were hovering protectively beside you.

 

Hatchet-face, whose face was outrageously stunning despite her misleading nickname, gave a polite smile you returned. A dazed part of you wanted to know the story behind the nickname seeing as the elderly woman's face could be one of a model’s however shook the question away for a more appropriate time.

 

Blinking, you responded to their greetings as best as you can, taking a fearful glances at the prying students on top of the stairs. You thought you caught the eyes of your potential red-headed friend who quickly ignored you in favor of strutting into the building. It probably was him (you figured he wasn’t much for pleasantries). The out-of place gang beside you probably explained why the students seemed more interested in your arrival than the previous day, and why those who were snickering seemed to run away frightened when catching sight of Mrs. Coeffor’s bat.

 

You recoiled your eyes fearfully, giving your watchful neighbor an amused smile, “Mrs. Coefor, while I truly appreciate the gesture, I’m so sorry but I don’t think they would let you all escort me to each class, especially with well that”

 

You nodded your head at the barb-wire bat propped nonchalantly on her frail shoulder. The sunlight really made the suspicious looking rust on appear more menacing.

 

“Hmm,” she frowned disappointedly, before giving a mischievous wink that made her look like the hell-raiser she was in the past, “but at least this will send a message to the fuckers”

 

_Yup, it definitely will send a message._

 

You ran a hand through your hair, shaking away your negative thoughts forcing yourself to focus on your affection for your unlikely protector and not the impending doom in your belly.

 

“Don’t worry, this is only phase one of my plan” 

 

The ominous chuckles from her peers made you pale a little, laughing nervously you worried for the imagined student she assumed assaulted you the previous day. 

 

“All in good time luv,” you could only nod in response at her sinister glee, “now since your mum is out of the way and all. Tell me you socked you and me and the wee tyke will have a little chat”

 

She said it in such a pleasant blasé manner that did not match the promise in her eyes and the glint shining off her weapon.

 

You opened your mouth frantically trying to figure out a believable excuse, your hand trying to inconspicuously hide your traitorous nose.

 

However you were saved, much to your delight and surprise, by the arrival or your newest buddy Ben.

 

He approached in an imperious manner, seeming unaffected by the intimidating sight. However, you saw him pause as if _he_ was intimidated when he met the hard eyes of Mrs. Coeffort. It was the most hesitant you’ve seen your newest friend and while you didn’t have a lot of experience with him, you felt like this was a rare side of him considering how acted the day before.

 

“Is this him’” she puffed up her chest, hand twitching on her bat nd legs stanced in preparation for things you didn’t want to think of.

 

You jumped between the two, fearing for his well being when seeing the the murderous glares from the whole lot directed his way. Despite being grandmotherly figures who spent a majority of your life knitting endless sweaters for you and your brothers, they sure could look real terrorizing when they needed too. 

 

“N-no this is my friend Ben!” you hugged his side, laughing frantically waving your free arm in front of his tall chest as if he was a prop for show-and-tell, “we met yesterday and he was real nice to me and protected me from some mean students! We like him” you implored with your eyes, looking up at your silent companion hoping to get his aid. You blushed seeing the red tinting his cheeks as you recognized your proximity. 

 

Retreating your arm as if scolded you rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly, looking back at your unconvinced neighbor who was too busy analyzing your new pal from top to bottom.

 

You saw him shift in his feet at the unconcealed judgement, as he squared his shoulders and met her unreadable gaze without flinching. You were impressed, you’ve seen stronger men cry under her stare. However as the moment passed much too long for your liking, your admiration was being swallowed up by your fear for her assessment.

 

He may not realize it, but his livelihood was truly on the line.  

 

“Well he did a right shitty job of being a friend to you”

 

She eyed your unblemished cheek that unsuccessfully tried to hide. You felt the perpetrator of this whole fiasco, sting under your fingers.

 

“H-he he wasn’t there Mrs. Coeffor, B-Ben doesn’t -,” you hoped your wide eyes and flailing hands conveyed your message.

 

_Know. You don’t want him to know._

 

As if she sensed your anxiety she reluctantly nodded, still looking unsatisfied at your stoic friend who watched the whole interaction with unmasked curiosity. 

 

You ignored his inquisitive eyes, opting to stare at the pack of ladies in front of you, praying that this whole interaction, this whole day would just end.

 

 _Only eight more hours,_ your brain snarked happily. _None of this would have happened if you hadn’t backtalk Jab._

 

After a nerve-wracking moment she finally nodded her head in acquiescence, immediately causing you breathe a sigh of relief as your shoulders dropped.

 

However before you could celebrate your friends escape from deaMrs. Coeffor squared her shoulders marching to the both of you. You reactively place a protective hand on Ben’s chest, you’ve seen that look in her eye before. It ended with Jastor, one of Jab’s petty crooks who was regularly caught dealing to school kids, ending up in the hospital and never showing his hind on your block. Last you heard he was up north selling Bibles after having seen the ‘error of his ways’. It was more likely that he was too afraid Mrs. Coeffor would undoubtedly find him and enact justice if she caught wind of him dealing to kids again.

 

“You’re her friend?”

 

The strained showdown was equally mortifying and terrifying as you waited with bated breath for his answer.

 

“Yes.”

 

You couldn’t prevent your wide-tooth smile or the heat burning on your cheeks, as you looked up feeling elated at your unemotional **friend**.

 

Realizing your hand was still clutching his chest, you really needed to stop globbing the poor fella, you withdrew your hand once more as if scalded. Opting to run a frazzled hand through your locks in an attempt to cease your cursed blushing.

 

You stole a fleeting glance at your companion who remained as apathetic, sans the light dusting of red on his pale cheeks.

 

You hid away from Mrs. Coeffor’s knowing eyes as she appraised Ben, face twisting in contemplation.

 

“You’ll watch out for her then?”

 

You gaped opening your mouth to intervene, however Ben seemed unphased. They had  a silent conversation you were rudely excluded when suddenly his indecipherable eyes captured yours. Your mouth snapped shut snap. His expression was _off_ , it was full of promises you couldn’t understand. 

 

“I watch out for what’s mine.”

 

You didn’t know why, but the ominous tone, the words, his dark obsidian eyes sent uneasy shivers that rattled down your spine.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second day of school, more Ben, more confrontations, it will be going a little faster pace going foward as you get into the handle of your relationship with Ben! And oooh a hint of darkness oooh lala I wonder where that will lead ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath from that spectacularly unusual morning and a whole bunch of staring (twilight got nothing on me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope you enjoy! This chapter is a little short but I am almost done with the next chapter and will finish it real soon!

You gave him a tentative smile battling your absolute delight that you could now gush to your online friend’s of your new achievement with the instinctual fearful response to Ben’s demeanor.

 

The longer he stared, having a silent conversation with you in a language you didn’t know, the more you felt trapped. You couldn't comprehend why your brain was calling back to imagines of gazelle being stalked by a lion.

 

You couldn’t shake the uneasy sensation of feeling like  _ prey _ .

 

You opened your mouth opting to nonsensically babble away your concerns when you were saved by Mrs. Coeffor’s judgmental snort.

 

Thankfully Ben was the first to turn his head, you knew you wouldn’t have been able to break free from whatever was occuring, feeling almost commanded to remain in place.

 

Shaking your head forcefully in order to dismiss your apprehension, you had to hold back a snort when catching the dramatic eye roll of your leather clad neighbor.

 

“Okay just relax their Romeo with that ‘mine’ shit. A simple yes would do”

 

Her gang cooed behind her Ben, except Hatchet-face who remained unconvinced, staring at Ben with a glare that made you shift in your spot.

 

Seeing the hints of red on Ben’s cheeks as he coughed made your fear leave as quickly as it came. You were reminded that you that Ben was just a fellow student and  _ not _ a predator about to capture you in his maw.

 

You winced at the unsavory image, _ you needed to hold off on your weekly binge-watching of animal documentaries. _

 

You giggled despite yourself, it was near impossible not too and you were proud of your resolve but hearing Mrs. Coeffor’s comments spoken in the language she taught you when you were young made you break. 

 

_ “He means well”, _ you responded glancing up at you flustered friend whose venomous glare at the posse of bikers in front of them wasn’t effective in dissuading their chatter as his cheeks became increasingly red.

 

“ _ He’s bullied too, that’s why he’s a little, _ ” you waved your hand in a flippant manner hoping to convey the utter conundrum that was your companion.

 

It seemed to do the trick as she sighed, appraising him once more before nodding her head with relucatance.

 

“ _ Figures _ .”

 

Seeing your beaming smile at her acceptance she rolled her eyes giving you a knowing look that made you share Ben’s complexion at the implications.

 

“Just you know keep her safe and all,” she smirked at his frazzled state as he composed himself back into his usual imposing self.

 

The gang seemed to initiate him then, hugging and kissing his red face. He opened his mouth but when he was reminded of the grave consequences he would face if he let them down, he opted to remain stoic and endure the torture. You were grinning during the interaction, giving Ben a sympathetic nod as you too had to deal with a crescendo of hugs and kisses 

 

“Your just my first friend is all,” you whispered. 

 

This seemed to satisfy him to a degree as he nodded and continued to remain still under the assault .

 

Only Mrs. Coeffor and Hatchet-face refrained from drenching him in affection, saying something to Ben that made him pause and you could have sworn gulp in fear. 

 

As they left, with you and Ben watching the smoke of their engines drifting in the wind, you began to feel increasingly embarrassed. 

 

You chuckled awkwardly, glancing fleetingly at your intensely silent friend. He seemed to have reverted back to his old self without the unrelenting eyes of Mrs. Coeffor and her gang.

 

Just as menacing, however, now that it was confirmed from his lips (nod) that he was your friend, you forced yourself to act more comfortable in his oppressive silence. So embarrassment would have to wait, because the more you began to understand the importance of this accomplishment (achieved in such a short time period as well), you found yourself too thrilled to care for much else. 

 

Breathing deeply you faced him and cleared your throat to get his attention. He turned from watching the smoke, his expression still contemplative as he met your hesitant smile. A small part of you were deterred when he opted to not return your smile and just stare as he always did. However, you were coming to the quick realization that this was something you would just have to get used too.

 

“I’m sorry about that, they are uh a tad protective seeing how your my first friend and all. I mean, I have friends but like your like a fleshy friend if that makes sense” you mumbled, feeling increasingly embarrassed revealing your loser status. 

 

“You said that before.”

 

You paused at his baritone voice, unable to read his intense (much too intense for your liking) expression.

 

Feeling the prickles of doubt enter your belly you shook away your anxiety, he was your friend, he said so himself.

 

“Yea I did didn’t I” giggling nervously you twirled your finger around a loose strong of your pink backpack.

 

“Mrs. Coeffor’s protective with any newcomer. My mum once tried dating this Killingen and when he invited to dinner he quite literally pissed his pants. He had to wear my sweats which my mum feels terrible about but he turned out to be a jerk-off anyway Mum told Mrs. Coeffore none of that intimidation nonsense is necessary, but she’s just worried you know. Plus he never did give me back my sweats,” you trailed off awkwardly when he remained unresponsive.

 

He furrowed his brow as continued to just watch you.

 

“Your my-” he paused, as if unable to finish the sentence, tasting the unspoken word in his mouth. Based on his almost pained expression, it didn’t taste pleasant.

 

“Friend?”

 

Your voice was more timid and unsure than you would have prefered.

 

After a horribly awkward moment with you holding your breath in response, he finally nodded his head. You whistled through your teeth gifting him an exuberant smile.

 

You will be able to add ‘finishing each other's sentences’ as another accomplishment achieved in your fastly progressing relationship.

 

He seemed unsure at your reaction, pausing and just watching your enthusiastic face with such a fierce expression you had to shake away the feeling of being prey once more.

 

He opened his mouth before being interrupted by the loud bells. You flinched at the obnoxious sound, quickly looking towards the suspiciously empty stairs.

 

_ How long were we here for? Oh no, how many people were watching?  _

 

Sudden images of all the gossip that would occur from this morning’s extravaganza made dread coil in your belly.

 

“We’re late.”

 

You blinked dumbly at the sudden sound of Ben’s voice. Sighing tiredly, you nodded your head with deep reluctance.  You tried to force away the wariness that settled in your bones at the prospect of another school day as you dutifully followed behind Ben.

 

Mrs. Tarmin gave the pair of you a long concered glance as you passed her desk. You hoped it was in relation to your tardiness and not the figure beside you. Having seeing as how she was too afraid to make eye contact with him, you worried it was the later.

 

“Was that your grandmother?”

 

You stumbled a bit in your steps, too preoccupied by the secretary’s look to realize that he had been staring at you for quite some time. Blushing pink you shake your head, clearing your throat to clear away your unhelpful thoughts.

 

“Um, no, she's my neighbor since I was a little tyke. Practically family though but oh gosh! I am so incredibly sorry I didn’t properly introduce you! When you come over I’ll make sure too, that is of course you want to come up to you ... of course” you trailed off in a shy mumble at the assumption, I mean friends do come over right, and he  _ was  _ your friend, right?

 

He nodded his head, you didn’t know if that was a “okay that’s enough talking, I get it nod” or a “yes of course I would love to come over and do friend things” nod.

 

You decided it was the latter.

 

“She is very protective of you”

 

You didn’t quite understand the meaning behind the tone of his voice. It sounded like he was asking you a question but you didn’t quite understand what the question was. However you were too thrilled that he was willing to lead the conversation. This was a much different set of pace then the day before. This friendship was progressing quite smoothly indeed.

 

“Yup,” you popped the ‘p’ unable to prevent your wide-tooth smile in his stoic direction. 

 

He stared at your smile with a peculiar expression, that caused it to dim a bit. You really wish you knew what went on inside his head.

 

His eyes drilled into your face, searching for something, you felt instinctively afraid he would see behind the makeup. You hand quickly scratched the bruised cheek in an effort to nonchalantly hid the offender, which of course only served to catch his attention.

 

He opened his mouth. Panicking you turned away from his merciless eyes, “oh we are here!”

 

You weren’t, much to your mortification.

 

When you two finally did make it to the classroom, with you rambling about nonsense in an attempt to change the subject and him surprisingly answering (most … some) of your pestering questions.

 

He stood there once more, watching you in anticipation. After a moment of confusion you remembered yesterday’s routine and quickly held out the door for him (forcing away your pride). He rewarded you with a pleased nod (you would have to create notes on his many nods) that you soaked up happily.

 

He strutted into the room, not caring that you too were very late and immediately accosted by the vicious eyes of  _ everyone _ in the classroom.

 

You found yourself hiding behind Ben, who paused looking down at his new shadow. He met your frightened eyes and sighed tiredly, before turning to address the teacher for the both of you. You found yourself even more happy to secure such a brave friend.

 

The professor, Mr. Uuger was not pleased by the interruption puffing his chest to start his tirade. “Well, this is most irregular behavior Mr. Kenobi. You know how much I disdain tardiness, you better have a good explanation. You’ve had this homeroom for five years, there is no reason-”

 

“Benjamin was intercepted by a  _ gang _ ” called out one the students interrupting the now red cheek professor. It was an exceptionally beautiful boy, surrounded by exceptionally beautiful classmates who sniggered in response. You could have sworn he was one of Poe’s lackys igniting you to unsuccessfully glare at him and the snickering class into silence. The boy opened his mouth, a mean smirk on his face.

 

The teacher tried to settle down the loud class to no avail.

 

Ben’s poisonous stare seemed to have done the trick, though you were sure you helped a bit, as the boy quickly snapped his mouth close. His friend’s uneasily followed suit. You caught Hux in the back looking a mixture of amusement and indifference as he nonchalantly observed the scene.

 

You were quite surprised by the reaction, as was Mr. Uuger judging by his flustered expression.

 

“Y-yes, well Mr. Tetch anymore interruptions and you will end up in detention.”

 

The indignant boy in question opened his mouth before suddenly nodding his head and averting his eyes. The teacher frowned before turning to Ben who was wearing a darkly smug smile. 

 

“Well, gang or not, that is no excuse Mr. Kenobi. It seems I will have to delve out a detention for-”

 

“Not necessary sir,”

 

You sucked in a breath.

 

A  _ very _ red faced Mr. Uuger blinked dumbly. There was a quiet hush in the classroom as the student and teacher  _ stared _ at each other. Mr. Uuger cleared his throat once more before straightening out his immaculate suit. However, before he could open his mouth to regain his dignity Ben interrupted him once more.

 

“I was helping escort our newest student to the class as class guide. I tried finding her earlier in order to be on time however she seemed to have found herself quite lost” he sighed, “My deepest apologies sir, I will be sure this is not a regular occurrence.”

 

You were stunned, not knowing if he was genuine or not (most likely not). However, something in his tone, words, or maybe his confidence made him seem so smoothly innocent.

 

Ben suddenly moved to the side, revealing you to your teacher whose puckered expression seemed as conflicted as yours.

 

You flinched under Mr. Uuger’s gaze, he could be quite intimidating when he set his mind to it you discovered. Yesterday he was only an unassuming name amongst a plethora of new teachers. Now however, with his tall stature, pointy face, stocky frame and most importantly ‘disappointed authority figure' voice, you found yourself longing for the shield your friend provided.

 

“Yes, well I know you are new and unaware of how things go compared to your previous situation,  _ but _ here it is aberrantly disrespectful to be late” the tone in his voice made you prickle despite your fear as you fought the urge to defend Aunt Glendora’s teaching. However, you found fear winning over your pride as you meekly nodded your head in submission.

 

You didn’t realize Ben returned to hiding you from the teacher's displeased gaze. Peeking behind him, you were shocked to see Mr. Uuger suddenly flinch. However, when you tried to see whatever it was in Ben’s expression that caused such a visceral reaction all you were met with was a stoic mask.

 

“My apologies sir, it will not happen again”

 

“Yes well,” Mr. Uuger cleared his throat, “just be seated and next time expect detentions for the both of you”

 

Ben nodded before swiftly gliding to his throne, his threatening presence making the student he passed quickly avert their eyes. You were undoubtedly grateful to follow close behind, opting to watch the sway of his black trench coat instead of the eyes of your prying peers.

 

Hux watched unimpressed as you sat next to Ben, muttering something to your friend before rolling his eyes and shaking his head in annoyance.

 

You avert your gaze until Hux’s attention was directed away before gifting Ben a small smile, “thanks Ben.”

 

He seemed confused at your expression, before giving you a familiar nod you were quickly getting used too and ordering you to sit up straighter.

 

Overall it seemed today, while starting quite unusual, will be an overall success.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy! I know I say this a lot but English isn't my first language so please let me know about any typos or grammar mistakes! The long hiatus made me a little rusty with the tenses so if anyone interested in Beta-ing I will be eternally grateful anywaaaaaaaaaaay hope you are exciting for more Ben because I am! Love you all your comments and kudos always surprise me and motivate me <3 <3 <3 <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Class time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I'm sorry for how long this took!!! I will work harder to finish next chapter quicker! also im sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes my English is getting rusty but ill be sure to fix any you find!! thank you for the support it blows my mind <3 <3 Also I edited the story to make reader homeschooled I felt like that would better explain why reader is super duper naive!!

Ben seemed to have pechlance for instilling proper adequate. By your fourth class your back started to strain from the effort unused to maintaining perfect posture. But it was worth it you rationed, you read about the health benefits _and_ Ben would seem very pleased with your compliance. 

 

You hypothesised that Ben, as the pinnacle of regal composure, was probably raised balancing a book on his head. A part of your felt deeply sympathetic for Ben as you imagined his childhood. You were raised free to slouch as much as you wished. His poor back, while perfectly straight, must have been in so much pain as a little boy.

 

You kind of expected and hopped for a cosmic shift in your dynamic after his confession, or at least expected him to include you in his and Hux’s conversations. You weren’t surprised Hux wasn’t too receptive to your presence, sneering at your hopeful smiles and quickly ignoring your existence.

 

It still stung your pride though and you felt miffed as his dismissal unused to having to prove yourself in this manner. However whenever you looked away from your companions you were met the unflinching (and incredibly intimidating) eyes of your peers. You would rather deal with Hux then that impeccable lot. Plus, seeing Ben’s (what you assumed were) apologetic glances whenever Hux rudely addressed you made a stubborn part of you remain seated.

 

“No one ask for your opinion pudgy”

 

Your fingers twitched and your eyes burned like your cheeks when you were once more rebuffed from inserting your opinion. 

 

 _He_ was the one discussing the validity of the black market, you were well versed in that subject and if his privileged -

 

_You rat faced, spoiled, pompous -_

 

Your inteneral mantra of venom was cut short when Ben placed a careful hand on your notebook. Now sporting a sizable hole as you violently erased away at the innocent paper imagining it was Hux’s pointy face.

 

You blinked dumbly at Ben who was giving you an indecipherable expression. You felt both well-versed and puzzled by his nonverbal communication, it was only one day you mused. Eventually you would be fluent in it you were sure.

 

Hux huffed loudly, drawing both your attention.

 

“We will discuss this later Hux”

 

Hux rolled his eyes with obnoxious effort, “fine.” Sneering at the ghost of a smile on your lips he continued, “we don't need this _simpleton’s_ nose in our business anyway” he smirked at his insult.

 

However, you were too busy giving Ben a shy smile to care. He stared at your expression with more clinical intensity that you felt comfortable with. You could have sworn his eyes looked at your mouth, and you felt your belly twist uncomfortably, your stung cheek. However, you shrugged those unwelcomed feelings away as you wrote in your notebook. _He couldn’t see it_ , you adamantly reminded yourself once more, even if he kept looking at it during the day. You were positive he didn't know.

 

 _And_ as if this moment couldn’t get any better, Hux got yelled out by the professor for talking in class, effectively distracting you from your paranoia.

 

You watched with vicious satisfaction as blood rushed to his pale cheeks as he turned away from you two with as much indignation possible.

 

Xxx

 

It was lunch time, your favorite and least favorite part of your day you decided. It seemed that Hux actively ignoring you would be something you would have to endure until you won him over with your mother’s brownies. 

 

Without the restrictions of the teachers, he continued on with his confusing discussions with Ben. Secrets that he made sure you knew you weren’t privy too.

However, you were able to finally eat and Phasma once more joined your table.

 

So, it evened out in your mind.

 

Phasma nodded at her comrades before gracefully sliding into her seat. 

 

Hux paused from his tirade in order to ask for Phasma’s opinion. She  briefly glanced in your direction before responding with articulate confidence. You were jealous that she was able to understand their cryptic conversation.

 

You sighed dejectedly, Hux really wanted to make sure you were alien amongst them.

 

Peeking a look at Ben who was actively listening in their discussion, speaking more than you ever heard him, you bite your lip to prevent another sigh.

 

_Soon you won't feel unwelcomed. Soon you will feel comfortable. You belong here._

 

You tried to repeat the words in a vein attempt to regain your hope.

 

You were getting bored, already having eaten your lunch and now playing with the tin foiled remains as they continued to argue as amiably you assumed they could get. 

 

You gave up trying to decipher their irritatingly coded conversation, you _knew_ they weren’t arguing about the importance of vanilla ice-cream.

 

Petulantly looking up from your constructed swan out of tin foil you suck in a breath seeing the _insistent_ eyes of the mystery student from the day before.

 

He was just as striking as everyone at that table: dark skin, strong jaw, full lips, and almond-shaped eyes made him appear more suited for a runway. However it was his eyes, looking at you with unadulterated distress that made you pause. here was a feverish desperation in his gaze rooting you to your spot, something about it cause dread to coil in your belly as your brain tried to figure out what he was warning you about.

 

The one-sided conversation lasted until his roguishly and dangerously handsome friend Poe placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. You watched with detached horror, trying to will away the trembling in your hands as they talked. Poe turned to look at you with a furrowed brow. His eyes squinted as he appraised your blanched form however you couldn't care to question what his expression was also trying to convey. You quickly lowered your eyes to your foil swan, trying to remember to breath.

 

After a moment of trying to regain your composure, you didn’t realize it was time for your next class until you jumped at the trilling sound of the bell. Snapping your head up at your new-friends, who were now getting ready to leave. 

 

You smiled timidly at the group. Hux openly scoffed at your pitiful expression. Phasma at least seemed more amenable, nodding and saying hello. You unenthusiastically returned her greeting still trying to fight off the instinctual need to retreat.

 

Turning to look at Ben, you felt yourself swallowing saliva that wasn’t there. He was glaring _murderously_ at Poe and his friend who was returning his animosity with vigor.

 

You didn’t know when this show started but when his eyes snapped to yours, you felt your feet move back on their own accord.

 

There was something _wild_ in his eyes. His head looked back at the pair and as if on impulse, he placed an anchoring arm around your shoulders. It was an action that would have made your face melt at another time but you were still reeling from his expression. You craned up your neck, getting a crick in effort trying to catch his eyes. 

 

However his attention was on the pair, a threatening look of satisfaction on his face as he smirked at their visible anger. They all remained still, eyes locked in a silent showdown. 

 

Students walked passed, staring at the spectacle with hunger. However, they eventually were forced to leave the longer you all remained stagnant.

 

You looked at Hux and Phasma as the arm felt more constricting. It was unsettling seeing they composed students look notably apprehensive at the scene. Hux, of course, was more on the irritation spectrum.

 

Something changed as Poe’s friend had to hold him back while speaking hotly into his ear. Ben smiled viciously at the sight, guiding you out of the room to your next class, your brain on autopilot.

 

Despite your best efforts, you met the mystery boy’s departing glance. It was _drenched_ with fobording alarm forcing you quickly look away. 

 

This insiticutal unease was only amplified as Ben’s arm remained on your shoulders, heavy and possessive.

 

Once more your bain unhelpfully called back images from National Geographic.

 

_A prey in the grips of its predator._

 

Xxx

 

You face did indeed threaten to melt into mush the moment the both of you left the cafeteria. Suddenly, you fear took second place the pounding of your heart as you reminded yourself to _breath_.

 

Hux sighed tiredly as he gifted you a dismissive glance before muttering under his breath.

 

“Are you done with your dick measuring contest?” 

 

Phasma was your idol you decided. Her sardonic voice and stoic face seem to have the same effect as Mrs. Coeffor as Ben glared hotly with red cheeks.

 

He cleared his throat and retracted his arm not meeting your persistent eyes. 

 

He continued forward to your next class as if nothing had happened, however the lingering feel of his arm on your shoulders was a stark reminder that something did indeed happen. You tried to force him to look at you, but once more you were ignored as they continued their encrypted conversation.

 

There was some relief in the silence as it gave you time to ruminate on what had just occurred. 

 

The animosity between Ben and Poe seemed remarkably _intense_ . _How much bullying did Ben undergo?_ However, you still couldn’t wrap your head around why Ben would display you like that to Poe.

 

The possessive weight of his arm caused you to shiver and your cheeks to pinken despite your best efforts. You forced aways any rebellious flutters in your chest trying to focus on solving the puzzle before you.

 

But too many were missing to complete it.

 

You theorized that maybe Poe stole Ben’s toys when he was young? Or maybe-

 

“We are here.”

 

His deep voice broke through your internal investigation.

 

You chuckled nervously, worrying how long they were standing there while you spaced out. Hux was surprisingly absent this time, you tried to feign disappointment at this realization.

 

Ben glanced at you one more time before quickly looking at Phasma. They shared a silent conversation leaving you bewildered before he swiftly turned and marched away.

 

You blinked dumbly seeing Ben already down the hall. _Long legs were incredibly convenient._

 

Phasma cleared her throat.

 

“We have gym now” 

 

Not waiting for your response, she walked purposefully into the gym. You quickly followed suit, only to fidget in your spot after being confronted by a group of perfect students listening to an even more perfect-looking gym teacher. _Did they hire actors at this school?_

 

You could barely hear what the teacher was saying over the roaring in your ears. You flinched at the sound of snickering, gratefully hiding behind Phamsa’s tall stature. Your admiration for the unphased Phasma skyrocketed as she gracefully maneuvered past students with you dutifully following behind.

 

Once the teacher finished their introductory spiel you found yourself in the locker room encountering your worst nightmare. Having to change in a room full of models.

 

Panic crept in. You could feel their eyes assessing you. Well, the eyes of a group of girls you remembered sitting around Poe. Judging by their expressions, they weren’t impressed.

 

“U-um I’m going to change in the loo”

 

Phasma paused from her undressing quirking a brow at your frown, _of course she had abs_. 

 

She paused before looking around the locker room, stopping at the group of girls now snickering loudly.

 

“Can’t believe Ben is going out with _that_.” You flinched violently, you knew your cheeks were an alarming shade of red as you quickly gripped your clothes close to your chest planning to make a quick exit.

 

“Poe told me he’s just trying to replace that street rat. Figures Ren has a type, he knows only _trash_ would be desperate enough to fool with him”

 

“You know Poe doesn’t like it when you call Rey -”

 

As you were turning to sprint, tears stinging your eyes you found yourself unable to move as a strong hand was placed on your shoulder.

 

Blinking through your tears you found your questions stuck in your throat at the concealed rage on Phasma’s face.

 

“Wait here.”

 

You nodded, too afraid to move and watched stunned as she marched towards the lot with the confidence of a ruler.

 

The main girl, a stunning brunette with cheekbones you envied, gulped before lifting her nose and crossing her arms over her chest. However, Phasma was markedly taller. You could only see the back of her perfect coiled blonde hair but _knew_ she was a menacing sight.

 

“You want to say that again.”

 

Phasma’s husky voice really knew how yo strike fear into others. She wasn’t even addressing you but the clinical tone in her voice made you want to run for the hills.

 

“You heard me, only scholarship _trash_ would be pathetic enough to date Ren’s crazy ass. Sad he had to downgrade to a fatty though, guess word got out about-” 

 

Phamsa let out a sharp bark of laughter, you were happy for the distraction it provided.

 

“Rosalie, we both know it was Ren rejected your _numerous_ advances. Me and him just had a laugh at that pathetic message you sent him. When was that? This past weekend? Just because he has higher standards than you, doesn’t give you the right to insult my friend. Next time you speak I’ll be sure _your_ friend’s can read your desperate attempts at seduction. They are quite pitiful Rosalie, you really should have more respect for yourself.”

 

Rosalie, the angelic tormentor turned beet red, her possy gossiped behind her. You stared in awe as Phasma walked back next to you. She changed into her gym uniform as if nothing happened.

 

“You can change here. They won't bother you.”

 

You blinked dumbly, looking at Rosalie who glared daggers at you before huffing and turning away, swearing at her friends who were chatting amongst themselves.

 

You looked up at Phasma.

 

Unable to stop yourself, you clung onto her tightly. She squawked at the sudden action. Giving her one last squeeze, you didn’t care for the snickers as you felt like your heart was going to burst. After much too long, you quickly retracted your death grip.

 

You felt like your cheeks were straining with how big your smile was, but you couldn’t help it. 

 

“Thank you Phasma, I- I really mean it”

 

She nodded shortly, pink dusting her cheeks as she averted her eyes from your owlishly earnest gaze.

 

“Yes well Ben has erm,” she paused clearing her throat, “decided that you shall be joining us for the time being.”

 

You nodded fervently, interpreting that as confirmation that you too would be best friends forever now. _Should you get her a connecting heart necklace?_

 

“Plus Rosalie really gets on my nerves” she sneered in distaste. You listened intently quickly changing as fast as you could. She leaned on the locker as you fell despite your best efforts while putting on your shorts. “She’s been after Ren ever since he rejected her first year. Spoiled brat can’t take no for an answer.”

 

“The high-hat type?”

 

Phasma snorted. You never felt more proud in your life as you followed behind, confidence boosting your steps.

 

“Definitely high-hat.”

 

However, when the teacher declared that the lot of you would have to run laps for the duration of class, that confidence quickly vanished. 

 

The teacher was a tyrant, whistling at any stragglers as you were forced to do more physical activities than you ever had in your life. Phasma, bless her heart, matched your pathetic pace. You were disheartened at your prowess seeing how, even while running, the girls walking beside you were faster. You desperately wanted to ask what doctor’s note they supplied in order to abstain from the toture.

 

Phasma was polite enough to not comment, just continue on in silence as you panted heavily. You greedily tried to grasp air in your deplating lungs while sweat poured out of places you didn’t even know could sweat.

 

Once it was finally time to leave, you were too busy trying not to pass out to pay attention to your dry peers.

 

Heading to the loo to clean up you quickly showered as fast as you could and changed, running to meet Phasma who was of course perfectly dressed and waiting in the locker room. Thankfully it was absent as you wheezed out your thanks.

 

However, as you are about to leave you felt Phasma’s hand once more on your shoulder.

 

You raised your eyebrow questioning her bizarre expression. You felt apprehensive the longer she stared at you, her expression so much more intense than the stoic one she had before.

 

“Who did that to you?” 

 

Her voice was hard, her eyes were dark.

 

Suddenly it clicked.

 

You felt your blood go cold, your hand immediately reaching for your cheek. It stung under your hand.

 

_Oh no._

 

“I-i-it was … I er- fell? You know how lazy I am! I tripped over my cat?” 

 

You voice was higher pitch than you would have preferred. You chuckled hysterically the longer time passed on.

 

She wasn’t convinced.

 

“Did,” her face looked pained, “Ben-” 

 

“No! N-no! No. it wasn’t him it was my- it was an accident.” you finished hurriedly, swallowing in your confession. It was all your fault.  It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault.  It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all your fault. It was all-

 

She nodded, a grave look on her face.

 

You remembered to breath.

 

“If whoever does this, does it again tell me” she commanded.

 

Her stern face made you gulp, you nodded your head in acceptance. The lie tasted bitter in your mouth as you said, “okay.” You hoped your nose didn’t twitch.

 

She rummaged through her locker at once, leaving you twiddling your thumbs.

 

You felt something cool against your cheek causing you to squeak, blinking you watched as Phasma applied makeup over the bruise.

 

“It’s not a perfect match but it will do. We only have one class left”

 

Nodding dumbly, she continued.

 

“Don’t- don’t tell Ben he may act irrationally”

 

“Thank you.” you despised how small and timid your voice was.

 

She looked up, her eyes brimming with secrets.

 

“Don’t thank me. I- They don’t get to make you feel bad for this.”

 

Her tone was dark and before you could open your mouth to ask questions she suddenly stood up waiting for you to follow.

 

Dazed you nodded your head once more before continuing behind, your mind hurt with the full capacity of your thoughts.

 

You bit your lip, peeking up at your silent friend.

 

Before you could ask her the numerous questions on the tip of your tongue you were forced silent at the sight of Ben waiting at the door entrance.

 

His eyes were indecipherable as he peered at you two. Him and Phasma held a silent conversation you were excluded from. She quickly looked down at you, giving you a small curt smile. Her eyes made unease coil in your belly as she suddenly departed, leaving you alone with Ben.

 

His baritone voice called out to you. You didn’t realize you were stuck staring at Phasma’s retreating back.

 

His penetrating stare paralyized you, it felt as if he was trying to read your mind. You felt irrationally afraid he would succeed.

 

You ducked your head and smiled (you hope it didn’t look like a grimace). You were afraid to speak, afraid that maybe you would reveal all your thoughts. 

 

He seemed satisfied, satisfied enough to nod his head before guiding you to your last class. 

 

You hoped that since it was only your second day together he wouldn’t question your meek silence.

 

Two questions were on continued loop in your head.

 

_Why didn’t Phasma want Ben to know?_

 

And more pressingly, a question you weren’t sure you wanted answered: _why did Phasma think Ben hit you?_

 

_xxx_

  

“Your face looks different”

 

The question made you drop your pencil. You watched helplessly as it rolled off the table. Ben slowly leaned over to pick it up, holding it out for you to grab it.

 

Gulping you reached for it, however he wouldn’t let go of the darned thing. Your fingers touched, snapping your eyes to his you wondered if maybe he really could read your thoughts.

 

“Oh erm, well Phasma wanted to show me some makeup” 

 

Your smile twitched, you prayed your nose didn’t. Well, it was technically the truth if you squinted at it.

 

He quirked his brow disbelievingly, that expression seemed to be common for with his friends.

 

His silence was poignant.

 

Something about his commanding eyes made you feel unable to suppress yourself. However fear made you unable to reveal the truth. You felt trapped.

 

You were happy the teacher reprimanded you both for not paying attention.

 

Your cheeks heated as you could feel the suffocating eyes of Ben the whole class.

 

You really hope he didn’t know.

 

When the class ended you found yourself dreading the walk to the train. It was quite sad, yesterday you were so elated Ben volunteered and now you were terrified.

 

“Your train will be arriving soon.”

 

You blinked dumbly, something that was also a common occurance today. Ben stood in front of your desk, your cheeks heated realizing how long you were prolonging the inevitable.

 

Quickly shoving your papers into your backpack you couldn’t hold back a frustrated groan when it just wouldn’t close. 

 

It was taking a mortifying amount of time, you worried your face would melt with the intensity of your blush. Suddenly long pale fingers wrapped around your own, and with shameful ease managed to slide the zipper close.

 

As soon as the fingers arrived they disappeared, you looked up from your seat tilting your head up to meet mystifying obsidian eyes.

 

“T-t-thanks Ben”

 

“Your backpack seems to have more aesthetic appeal then functionality”

 

You felt puzzled, expecting a reprimand or more questions. However you gratefully took the branch for what is was. 

 

Smiling widely, tension evaporated as you jumped up beside Ben.

 

You hoped your smile convey how thankful you were for the change in conversation.

 

He appeared a little unprepared for you enthusiasm as you went on a long ramble on how your brother’s picked out the present.

 

However he did seem to listening with rapt attention.

 

“-I don't want to brag or anything or seem biased but they are both the smartest five year olds on the planet!” You grinned imaging in their cute kissable faces. “I can’t wait for you to meet them, oh man they are going to love you that is of course you, like want to meet them?”

 

You trailed off nervously, twirling a loose string of your backpack while peeking up at Ben’s reaction.

 

He met your nervous stare, it felt like he was doing calculations behind his eyes. 

 

_Oh no, were you too pushy?_

 

“Phasma isn’t the type to be playing with makeup after gym”

 

You felt yourself stumble at the redirection, your heart pounding in your ears.

 

“O-oh? W-well you know it’s kind of funny really. Well you know Phasma is a very multidimensional person and well it was super spontaneous I was like oh hey Phasma you know what would be cool, if we like to show each other our makeup and stuff and um yea … yup”

 

You popped your ‘p’, wincing at your horrendous explanation.

 

Ben’s expression made it obvious he too didn’t buy it. His stare was drenched with disapproval. For some reason it made you feel cold.

 

“I have to meet Hux.”

 

His voice was emotionless as he swiftly turned away, giving you no acknowledgement. You felt dismissed. 

 

The longer you stood their stunned, just watching his retreating back, the more frightened you became.

 

Your brain went haywire. 

 

Maybe he felt hurt? Him and Phasma were friends before you arrived and maybe he felt left out?

 

You became more shamed the longer your theories felt more plausible.

 

Before you knew what you were doing you were running after your friend. He was the first friend your own age. You couldn’t lose him. He was your friend.

 

You didn't realize you grabbed his arm until he was looking down at you.

 

His face was eerily blank.

 

You panicked.

 

“I- I am so so so so so so so so sorry Ben! I- I didn’t mean to make you feel abandoned. I’m not taking Phasma away from you I promise! We are just friends too! I ju-”

 

“I’m not worried about Phamsa”

 

His deep voice caused your mouth to snap close. 

 

“I just don’t appreciate being lied too”

 

You blanched, _did he mean-?_

 

Your hand automatically went to your cheek, his eyes of course zoned in on it.

 

“I-I-I-I -” you stuttered despite your efforts. It was like you were back in the bathroom with your mother. The question hanging like a noose in the air.

 

You couldn’t tell her. You couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t tell-

 

“I can’t say” 

 

You were mortified when the tears fell without your consent.

 

It was like it all came crashing upon you at once. You felt overwhelmed. It was hard to breath.

 

Jab’s hands, your mother’s concerned stare, this morning spectacle, Rosalie’s comments, Phamsa knowing, and Ben’s disapproval. 

 

You didn’t know what you were feeling, just that it was too much.

 

Suddenly there were heavy hands own your shoulders, you looked up through teary eyes.

 

Ben’s face, you didn’t know how to read it. There was something dark in his expression.

 

“Breathe. Stop crying and just breath.”

 

His words were demanding, you didn’t know how (maybe it was magic) but you immediately complied.

 

You took deep selfish gulps of air. Ben looked on approvingly at your pathetic attempt of obedience.

 

Using your coat sleeves you harshly wiped away the tears, a hysterical part of you imagined your cheeks sizzling with how much you were blushing. You were horrified, petrified, mort-

 

“I understand.”

 

There should have been a crack in your neck with how quickly you lifted your head to look at Ben’s stormed expression. 

 

He looked at your face with such intensity it made you momentarily forget about your embarrassment.

 

However, before you could open your mouth he turned and walked towards your train. You stood dumbfounded, luckily there were not students around to see only strangers who didn’t pay you any mind. You only sprinted up to him when he stopped, turning his head with an expectant stare.

 

When you finally caught up to him, wheezing more than you would have preferred, you felt acutely aware of the dryness in your eyes. A shameful reminder of what had occured.

 

“I look forward to meeting Brycelon and Jarret”

 

At once, all of your negativity dissipated as you gifted Ben a wide-tooth smile.

 

You felt forgiven, you felt free, you felt secure, you felt jittery with happiness.

 

“If they are as talented as you said they are.”

 

Ben puzzlingly was the first to look away, as you began to recount passionately about your brother’s achievements.

 

By the time you made it to the train you were out of breath. You apologize to Ben for talking so much but as if your day couldn’t get any better he stated he didn’t mind. He even actually asked more questions about your family. He was particularly interested about your relationship with your parents. However you were luckily able to steer the topic away from Jab to your immediate family.

 

As you departed onto the train, you gave Ben a last parting smile not feeling dissuaded by his unfathomable stare. You could have sworn you saw him looking at your cheek however your brain focused on more important matters. Namely, imaging the sleepover between you, Ben and Phasma. And maybe Hux if he asked nice enough.

 

As you sat on the train, confused by the pitying looks you received, you remembered all the questions still lingering in your mind.

 

_What happened during lunch? Why was Phasma afraid of Ben’s response? Why would she think Ben would hurt you?_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like!!! oooooh oh no Ben be nice no manipulation! Also I edited previous chapters to make reader homeschooled I felt like that would better explain why reader is super duper naive!! Hopefully this is in character I just love Phasma (and you guys!) Next chapter we will be picking up the pace!!! love you all hope you enjoyed!!

**Author's Note:**

> We meet him!!


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